Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
Present for husband
A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!" The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said "Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!"
The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says,'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly,and asks Her Majesty the same question.The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,drinks it down.Then,wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel,'but even in Heaven,a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says,'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'
The Angel thanks Dolly,and asks Her Majesty the same question.The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,drinks it down.Then,wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'
'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel,'but even in Heaven,a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are.
The King's Daughter
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the
third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking?)
third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
They were M&M's of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking?)
Friday, February 17, 2012
Best Known Man in The World
There was a man named Sulio and Sulio knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Sulio got a new job, Sulio says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe him, so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world" but Sulio says "Yes I do!" so Sulio's boss says "Well prove it!" then Sulio says "Pick someone... and I know them!"
Well Sulio's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Sulio says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!" but Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!" then Sulio says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Sulio knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Sulio goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Sulio!" and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one person," so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick somebody else!"
This time Sulio's boss has someone in mind! "The president, Bill Clinton! You don't know Bill Clinton!" but Sulio says "Oh yes I do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!" Sulio's boss says "No you weren't!" and Sulio says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Washington and they catch up with the President at a press conference. They work their way through the crowd until Sulio get's close enough to catch Clinton's eye and waves "Bill!" and the President waves "Sulio!" and after the press conference they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Sulio's boss is stunned-- he can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that's just two people in one country-- that doesn't mean he knows everyone in the whole world!" so he tells Sulio and Sulio says "OK, pick someone out of the world spectrum and I know them!"
And Sulio's boss knows just who to pick so he says "The Pope! You do not know the Pope!" and Sulio says "The Pope! The Pope BAPTIZED me!" and Sulio's boss says "No he didn't!" and Sulio says "Yes he did!" so they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work their way through the crowd-- without much luck-- so Sulio says "Boss, we're never gonna get there together through all these people so I tell you what--I'll work my way up there and when I do, I'll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!" and he leaves. Well Sulio's boss waits and waits and waits and just when he's about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony and right there beside him is Sulio!
Shortly afterwards, Sulio's boss passes out. Sulio comes back and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says "Boss! Boss! Wake up!" and when his boss comes to, he asks "Boss what happened?" Sulio's boss looks at Sulio and says "OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton... hell, I can even take the Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks 'Who's that up there with Sulio?' that's a little more than I can take!
Faulty Disk Copy
"Hello? Is this the technical support hotline?"
"Yes, this is Carl speaking. How may I help you today?"
"I think my diskettes are faulty. I keep getting the error message bad or invalid disk operation"
"I can help you, but I will need a copy of your defective diskettes to help me diagnose the problem. Could you send a copy to our customer care centre?"
A few days later, a package arrived for Carl from the customer. The package contained several photocopied pages, they were copies of the diskettes.
"Yes, this is Carl speaking. How may I help you today?"
"I think my diskettes are faulty. I keep getting the error message bad or invalid disk operation"
"I can help you, but I will need a copy of your defective diskettes to help me diagnose the problem. Could you send a copy to our customer care centre?"
A few days later, a package arrived for Carl from the customer. The package contained several photocopied pages, they were copies of the diskettes.
Clever business at a young age
A policeman had a perfect hiding place to screen speeding drivers. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer investigated : a 9 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand-painted sign which said "SPEED CAMERA AHEAD."
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's partner in crime, another boy about 200 meters beyond the speed camera with a sign reading "TIPS" & a bucket at his feet full of coins.
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's partner in crime, another boy about 200 meters beyond the speed camera with a sign reading "TIPS" & a bucket at his feet full of coins.
FBI Agents and Pizza Man
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Francisco that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the group of agents got quite hungry. The FBI was taping all conversations at the hospital, this is what was recorded when the agent in charge called a nearby pizza delivery service to order.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 20 large pizzas and 70 cans of coke.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: To the psychiatric hospital please.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and cokes to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. Click
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 20 large pizzas and 70 cans of coke.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: To the psychiatric hospital please.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and cokes to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. Click
The Strangest Wal Mart Customer
Dear Mrs. Denner,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.
Regards, Wal-Mart
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right away."
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fatal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Once again we cannot tolerate this behaviour in our store.
Regards, Wal-Mart
Revenge on a Taxi Driver
A wealthy Chicago businessman goes to Vegas and loses all but three dollars. He comes out of the casino and waves a taxi over. How much is a ride to the airport?" The driver replies that it is $5. "Come on I only have $3, but I'll pay you $10 when I get home by mailing you a check."" said the man. "No way" replies the Driver and throws him out of the car.
Two years later the man comes back and goes to the same casino. This time he wins money. As he exits the casino, he sees a long line of Taxi drivers.. and at the end is his enemy from two years ago.
Seeing this, the man decides to get his revenge. He goes up to the first Taxi and says: "hey will you give me a blowjob?" the taxi driver says: "no you freak, get out of my car!"
The man then goes on to the next car and says: "hey will you give me a blowjob?" the taxi driver says: "no you maniac, get out of my car!" The man continues to do this all down the line until he reaches the last taxi, and sees his enemy.
The man asks: "how much for a ride to the airport?" Not reconising him the driver replies: "$5" "Okay." says the man and he gets in. Then as he passes the line of other taxis, he sticks his hands out the window and gives them all a big thumbs up.
Two years later the man comes back and goes to the same casino. This time he wins money. As he exits the casino, he sees a long line of Taxi drivers.. and at the end is his enemy from two years ago.
Seeing this, the man decides to get his revenge. He goes up to the first Taxi and says: "hey will you give me a blowjob?" the taxi driver says: "no you freak, get out of my car!"
The man then goes on to the next car and says: "hey will you give me a blowjob?" the taxi driver says: "no you maniac, get out of my car!" The man continues to do this all down the line until he reaches the last taxi, and sees his enemy.
The man asks: "how much for a ride to the airport?" Not reconising him the driver replies: "$5" "Okay." says the man and he gets in. Then as he passes the line of other taxis, he sticks his hands out the window and gives them all a big thumbs up.
The College Rules
There is a teacher speaking in front of a group of boy college freshmen about the college rules. The teacher starts talking about the dorm rooms. "If you get caught in a girls dorm room after nine o'clock, you will get a fifty dollar fine. If you get caught twice, you get a hundred dollar fine. If you get caught three times, you get a two hundred-fifty dollar fine and suspension for a week at the least." So a boy raises his hand and asks, "How much for a yearly pass?"
The smart way to catch Burglars
It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.
He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.
Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.
"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."
Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.
One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"
"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.
He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.
Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.
"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."
Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.
One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"
"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.
Rolls Royce Loan
A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $7,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan.
So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $20 bucks?"
So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $7,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.67. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little confused. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What confuses us is why would you bother to borrow $7,000?"
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $20 bucks?"
Zoo Job
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"
Radio Conversation
This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
- Please change your direction 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
- Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.
- This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
- No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
- THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
- This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Catch a Rabbit
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Weight Loss Plan
A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week
One Wish...
So this guy is walking along the beach in California and he notices a bottle has washed up on the beach. He picks it up and tries to clean it off when out pops a genie.
The genie says "I will grant you one wish....anything you want" So the guy says, "I've always wanted to just get in my car and drive to Hawaii. So, build me a bridge so I can get in my car and drive there anytime I want to" The genie says, "Oh, my that would be the most difficult engineering feat of all time. 2,000 miles of ocean, the hurricanes, the Tsunamis, the debth of the ocean, can't be done" So the genie then says "Is there anything else, anthing else at all I could do for you. Well, they guy thinks for a moment and then says "Well the only other wish I have is to understand women. You know, how they think, what drives them, why the act the way they do. Then the genie looks at him and says, "So how wide do you want that bridge"
How the Greek Bailout Package works...
It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.
The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the tavern.
The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.
The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
a Foolish Man
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
A Great Gambler
During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...
... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
Priest
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do youhave to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!
10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A broker married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a forex broker. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Lawyer...Oh...Lawyer
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man,"Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated,"You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task,even or a car as large as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it."
"You'll really love my place."
"The grass is almost a foot high."
Some more "Why" questions and other interesting posers:
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What is another word for "gdfgaurus"?
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.
What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
Why is LEMON JUICE mostly artificial ingredients.... but DISH WASHING LIQUID contains real lemons?
Why doesn't GLUE stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a "whack"?
Israel
Israel is in a state of crises. Enemies at all its borders, inflation is 10% and rising, people marching out on the streets, country is bad shape.
Benyamin Netanyahou calls a meeting of the Knesset to discuss crises. In the talks Lieberman comes up with a fantastic idea which grabs all the members by surprise and looks very attractive as a solution to all their problems.
We'll declare war on the United States of America and lose the war. Upon some objections he persists and wins the Knesset over. Explains Germany and Japan, both defeated in the 2nd World War and now they have the strongest economies and both protected by the USA. World beating trading countries allies of the US. Think Marshall plan and billions pumped into Israel. Even more than the crumbs we get today.
Excited glares and smiles abound in the room.
An elderly gentleman sitting at the rear of the Knesset with a long white beard down to his belt raises a hand and slowly points out;
If we lose yes it may be as you say but what happens if we win the war?
Smart Mother in law
Angry husband is not satisfied with his wife & sends a sms to his Mother in law. Your product is not matching my requirements. Smart Mother in law replies - Warranty expired, manufacturer not responsible after seal is broken.
Three Nuns
There were three nuns talking and one nun said, "I was cleaning the priest's chamber, and I found some Playboy magazines under his pillow, so I burned them." The nuns looked at each other and the next one said, "That's nothing, I found a box of condoms in his drawer, so I poked little holes in them with a nail." The third nun suddenly jumped out of her seat and said, "Oh my god! I got to go."
World's Shortest Books
World's Shortest Books :
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
___________________________________ _________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
___________________________________ _
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
___________________________________ __
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart
___________________________________ _
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
___________________________________ ____
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson
___________________________________ ______
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
_________
MY BOOK OF MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by
The Rev. Jesse Jack son
___________________________________ _________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPERBOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
___________________________________ ________________
MY COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY
By Nancy Pelosi
___________________________________ _____________________
And the shortest book of them all......................
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
Wrong Time...
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Cannibals
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."
if GM Like Computer Industry
At a recent COMDEX, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated that:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got1,000 miles to the gallon."
General Motors has issued a press release stating:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car XP" or "Car 2000". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only work on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning light would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the justice dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You would press the "start " button to shut off the engine.
Billing
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Adam Creation
Why did GOD create Adam before he created Eve?
Because He didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Woman....
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
They go to the fifth floor. There is a sign there that reads: There are no men here. This floor was built to prove it is impossible to please a woman.....
Math and SEX
Maths is like sex....
ADD the bed
MINUS the clothes
DIVIDE the legs
and pray you don't MULTIPLY
How to make a lawyers smile
How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."
USA and Rusia
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
A Good Strategy
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
It's important to have a woman
Five Important Qualities
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Oow....
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
Why I'm Tired
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood, or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are sitting, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice, real nice.
This, apparently is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.
Dear Sirs,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe
this. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number
and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in
1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody
born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have
on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed
for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving
license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I've had,
on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out
before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all
those insufferable census forms.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's
name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be
abso-fucking-lutely astounded if that ever changed between now
and when I die!!!!!!
I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me,
I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house,
then you ask me for my fucking address!!!!
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes workin'
there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want
to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park
my arse on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell
me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in
the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to
a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last fucking people
I'd want to tell!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
poxy city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the
tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the
same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd
rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with
our heads cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that
it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not
allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin' morons) Hey, do you know why
we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!
Signed
An Irate Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone
to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country
since 1776 .......... I have served in the military for something
over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those
years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over
the world.
......... However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am
- you know, someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN
FUCKING PAKISTAN !
Sincerely,
FUNNY DEFINITIONS
FUNNY DEFINITIONS
ADULT
A person who has stopped growing at both
ends and is now growing in the middle
BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye
CANNIBAL
Someone who is fed up with people
CHICKENS
The only creatures you eat before they
are born and after they are dead
COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours
DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out
EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation
GOSSIP
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage
HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage
INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better
RAISIN
Grape with a sunburn
SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time
TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction
TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed
WRINKLES
Something other people have You have character lines
Top 10 Dumb Guy Complaints About "The Lord of the Rings"
Top 10 Dumb Guy Complaints About "The Lord of the Rings"
10. "I expected something, you know, more Hobbity"
9. "'Middle Earth' scenes clearly shot on regular Earth"
8. "It was real long and not a cartoon"
7. "Accidentally put butter on my Twizzlers"
6. "My name is Stu -- how come there aren't any Hobbits named Stu?"
5. "Where the hell is Chewbacca?"
4. "If they're going to have magic, why not bring back the rapping kangaroo?"
3. "Couldn't focus on movie -- kept thinking about how I blew all my money on the Giants"
2. "I kept trying to talk to Frodo, but he ignored me like he's 'all that'"
1. "I haven't seen it yet -- I'm too busy governing California"
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Guy At Starbucks
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Guy At Starbucks
10. "We ran out of coffee filters, so I'm using one of my old undershirts."
9. "Try our triple cappuccino -- It's a legal alternative to crack."
8. "Let me make sure that's not too hot."
7. "You know, I licked every one of these stirrers."
6. "One Decaf Venti Skim Latte -- 39 dollars."
5. "Sugar with that?"
4. "Grande Caramel Macchaito? Talk English!"
3. "If I catch any of you people going into a Dunkin' Donuts for coffee, I'll break your legs!"
2. "Some whipped cream for you... and some whipped cream for me."
1. "After work, I'm gonna pick up a hooker-uccino."
Top 10 Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery
Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.
Oh no! Where's my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?
There go the lights again?
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."
Monday, February 13, 2012
Kabar Gembira PNS
BUAT YANG PUNYA SAUDARA PNS
KABAR GEMBIRA
BREAKING NEWS
di tahun ini Presiden SBY atau pemerintah akan memberi tambahan gaji tiap bulan untuk PNS
Gol I 5 juta
Gol II 7 juta
Gol III 10 juta
Gol IV 13 juta
Karena bantuan dari Jepang maka dicairkan dalammata uang YEN
dengan ketentuan SBB:
1. YEN ono duite
2. YEN ora lali
3. YEN ora nyalahi peratuan
4. YEN ora di impeach
5. YEN ora kedisikan di korupsi
.
.
6 YEN ing tawang ono lintang .....
KABAR GEMBIRA
BREAKING NEWS
di tahun ini Presiden SBY atau pemerintah akan memberi tambahan gaji tiap bulan untuk PNS
Gol I 5 juta
Gol II 7 juta
Gol III 10 juta
Gol IV 13 juta
Karena bantuan dari Jepang maka dicairkan dalammata uang YEN
dengan ketentuan SBB:
1. YEN ono duite
2. YEN ora lali
3. YEN ora nyalahi peratuan
4. YEN ora di impeach
5. YEN ora kedisikan di korupsi
.
.
6 YEN ing tawang ono lintang .....
Is Tere any Difference between Complete & Finished
The word 'COMPLETE & FINISHED'
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED.
But there is a difference.
When you marry the right one you are COMPLETE.
&
When you marry the wrong one you are FINISHED!
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED.
But there is a difference.
When you marry the right one you are COMPLETE.
&
When you marry the wrong one you are FINISHED!
Reasons why I never visit my rich friend
Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and.....
Question : "What would you like to have...? Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino, or Coffee?"
Answer : "Tea please"
Question : "Ceylon tea, Indian tea,Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honeybush tea, iced tea or green tea?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea"
Question : "How would you like it? Black or White?"
Answer : "White"
Question : "Milk or fresh cream?"
Answer : "With milk"
Question : "Goat's milk, or cow's milk?"
Answer : "With cow's milk please"
Question : "Freezeland cow or Africaner cow?"
Answer : "Umm... I'll just take it black"
Question : "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer : "With sugar"
Question : "Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer : "Cane sugar"
Question : "White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer : "Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead."
Question : "Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?"
Answer : "Mineral water"
Question : "Flavored or non-flavored?"
Answer : "I think I'll just die of thirst".....
Tabib dan Sinshe
Konon ada sepasang sahabat Cina dan Arab lg kebingungan karena usaha mereka bangkrut.
Setelah memutar keras otak, mereka sepakat membuka pelayanan kesehatan.
Maka si Cina jadi sinshe dan si Arab menjadi tabib.
Setelah 1 minggu praktek, si sinshe ttep sepi pasien, namun si tabib mulai kebanjiran pasien.
Si sinshe putar otak utk melawan si tabib, lalu si sinshe mengeluarkan jurus dg memasang pengumuman di depan ruang praktek: "Jika tdk sembuh uang kembali 3x lipat"
Taktik itu manjur, lalu pasien berdatangan ke si sinshe.
Giliran si tabib sewot lalu mencari akal. "Wah lumayan kalo ana fura2 sakit dan tdk sembuh, dafat fulus lha…"
Lalu ia mendatangi si sinshe.
Tabib: "Koh, tolong ana. Ana funya sakit mati rasa. Ana tdk bisa lagi rasain rasa setiaf makanan yg ana telan"
Sinshe: "Owe pikil itu gampang owe bisa sembuhkan."
Lalu si sinshe memanggil asistennya.
Sinshe: "Meilaannn, cepat lu bawa sini obat no 8."
Secepat mungkin si asisten yg bernama Meilan membawa obat no. 8 dan diberikan kpd si tabib.
Dan si tabib lsg mengunyah se blm menelan obat no. 8 tsb.
Tabib: "Ente kurang ajar, ini bkn obat , tafi ini tai ayam."
Sinshe: "Lu olang betul. Itu tai ayam. Belalti lu olang sdh sembuh dan tidak mati lasa lg".
Si tabib pulang dgn kesal krn kalah akal. Lalu ia kembali memutar otak berpikir mencari akal utk mengalahkan si sinshe dan sekaligus mendpt uang.
Maka kali ni si tabib kembali pura2 sakit lupa yg sangat kronis.
Tabib: "Koh, ana sakit lufa farah sekali. Ana lufa semua feristiwa dan memori ana, tolong ana."
Sinshe: "Gampang. Owe pasti tolong lu dan lu olang pasti sembuh. Obat owe mujalab sekali."
Lalu seperti biasa si sinshe memanggil si Meilan sang asisten.
Sinshe: "Meilaaann, cepat lu bawa kemali obat no. 8."
Tabib: "Waaaa, ana tidak mau makan tai ayaaaam lg"....
Sinshe: "Haiyaa.. belalti lu olang sdh sembuh, tdk lupa lg.." <=-P =D
Setelah memutar keras otak, mereka sepakat membuka pelayanan kesehatan.
Maka si Cina jadi sinshe dan si Arab menjadi tabib.
Setelah 1 minggu praktek, si sinshe ttep sepi pasien, namun si tabib mulai kebanjiran pasien.
Si sinshe putar otak utk melawan si tabib, lalu si sinshe mengeluarkan jurus dg memasang pengumuman di depan ruang praktek: "Jika tdk sembuh uang kembali 3x lipat"
Taktik itu manjur, lalu pasien berdatangan ke si sinshe.
Giliran si tabib sewot lalu mencari akal. "Wah lumayan kalo ana fura2 sakit dan tdk sembuh, dafat fulus lha…"
Lalu ia mendatangi si sinshe.
Tabib: "Koh, tolong ana. Ana funya sakit mati rasa. Ana tdk bisa lagi rasain rasa setiaf makanan yg ana telan"
Sinshe: "Owe pikil itu gampang owe bisa sembuhkan."
Lalu si sinshe memanggil asistennya.
Sinshe: "Meilaannn, cepat lu bawa sini obat no 8."
Secepat mungkin si asisten yg bernama Meilan membawa obat no. 8 dan diberikan kpd si tabib.
Dan si tabib lsg mengunyah se blm menelan obat no. 8 tsb.
Tabib: "Ente kurang ajar, ini bkn obat , tafi ini tai ayam."
Sinshe: "Lu olang betul. Itu tai ayam. Belalti lu olang sdh sembuh dan tidak mati lasa lg".
Si tabib pulang dgn kesal krn kalah akal. Lalu ia kembali memutar otak berpikir mencari akal utk mengalahkan si sinshe dan sekaligus mendpt uang.
Maka kali ni si tabib kembali pura2 sakit lupa yg sangat kronis.
Tabib: "Koh, ana sakit lufa farah sekali. Ana lufa semua feristiwa dan memori ana, tolong ana."
Sinshe: "Gampang. Owe pasti tolong lu dan lu olang pasti sembuh. Obat owe mujalab sekali."
Lalu seperti biasa si sinshe memanggil si Meilan sang asisten.
Sinshe: "Meilaaann, cepat lu bawa kemali obat no. 8."
Tabib: "Waaaa, ana tidak mau makan tai ayaaaam lg"....
Sinshe: "Haiyaa.. belalti lu olang sdh sembuh, tdk lupa lg.." <=-P =D
Wifes and Life!
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore
Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson
The great question.. which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan
"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O'Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel
"Honey, what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the reason why the world's a mess today, because a lady went first!"
David Letterman
"First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno
SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH.......AND TO THOSE LADIES WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR WHO CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!
Obat Stress
VERY FAST
Pada suatu hari ada seorang turis Jepang yang berkunjung ke Indonesia, dan dia berada dalam sebuah taxi di jalan tol, tiba tiba ada sebuah mobil yang sangat kencang menyalip taxi yang ditumpangi turis tersebut. Turis Jepang itupun nyeletuk, "Wow.. Toyota, made in Japan. very fast..!!". Untuk yang kedua kalinya taxi itu disalip oleh mobil lain, dan turis Jepang itu kembali nyeletuk, "Wow.. Honda, Mitsubishi, made in Japan. very fast..!!". Selalu saja setiap ada mobil atau produk Jepang dia selalu membanggakannya. Tak lama kemudian dia minta berhenti dan turun, sebelum turun turis tersebut bertanya kepada supir taxi "Berapa ongkosnya?" dengan bahasa Indonesia yang agak kaku. "Lima ratus ribu rupiah..", jawab si supir taxi. "Whats..? Berapa..? Lima ratus ribu, mahal sekali!!!", kata turis jepang. Dengan sedikit kesal supir taxi menjawab, "Yes sir, argometer made in Japan.. very fast...".
Pada suatu hari ada seorang turis Jepang yang berkunjung ke Indonesia, dan dia berada dalam sebuah taxi di jalan tol, tiba tiba ada sebuah mobil yang sangat kencang menyalip taxi yang ditumpangi turis tersebut. Turis Jepang itupun nyeletuk, "Wow.. Toyota, made in Japan. very fast..!!". Untuk yang kedua kalinya taxi itu disalip oleh mobil lain, dan turis Jepang itu kembali nyeletuk, "Wow.. Honda, Mitsubishi, made in Japan. very fast..!!". Selalu saja setiap ada mobil atau produk Jepang dia selalu membanggakannya. Tak lama kemudian dia minta berhenti dan turun, sebelum turun turis tersebut bertanya kepada supir taxi "Berapa ongkosnya?" dengan bahasa Indonesia yang agak kaku. "Lima ratus ribu rupiah..", jawab si supir taxi. "Whats..? Berapa..? Lima ratus ribu, mahal sekali!!!", kata turis jepang. Dengan sedikit kesal supir taxi menjawab, "Yes sir, argometer made in Japan.. very fast...".
FAMILY IN ENGLISH
Pada suatu hari, Imam melamar pekerjaan disuatu perusahaan asing. Tiba gilirannya dipanggil untuk wawancara. "Dapatkah kamu menceritakan keluargamu?", tanya interviewer. "Aku anak pertama dari 3 bersaudara. Ayahku orang Garut, ibuku orang Bandung. Aku punya 2 nenek, yang satu dari Batak dan satunya lagi dari Jawa. Pamanku tinggal di Banten dan Bibiku ikut dengan pamanku...", jawab Imam. "Dapatkah kamu menceritakan keluargamu dalam bahasa inggris.", pinta interviewer. "Bisa..", jawab Imam. "Now tell me about your family in english", kata interviewer. "Sorry I don't have family in English..", jawab Imam dengan lugunya.
NGERJAIN GURU BAHASA
Suatu hari ada guru Bahasa Indonesia yang galaknya minta ampun, dikerjain habis-habisan oleh muridnya...
GURU: Siang anak-anak..!!!
MURID: Selamat siang bu...
GURU: Hari ini kita belajar antonim!
MURID: Ya bu...(^-^!)
GURU: Begini, kalau bu guru menyebut sebuah kata, kalian jawab dengan antonimnya!
MURID: Baik bu...
GURU: Pintar!?
MURID: Bodoh.
GURU: Berjaya..!?
MURID: Menang.
GURU: Goblok, itu salah!
MURID: Pintar, ini benar!
GURU: Kurang ajar!(Mulai marah)
MURID: Cukup diajar!
GURU: Kalian gila semua!(Marah)
MURID: Kami waras sebagian!
GURU: Sudah, diam!!!!!
MURID: Belum, bicara!
GURU: Pelajaran selesai!(Putus asa)
MURID: Pelajaran dimulai!
Akhirnya, guru itu keluar dengan muka merah dan murid-murid pun senang karena guru yang palng galak telah berhasil mereka kerjain.
SOPIR HEBAT
Suatu hari ada seorang sopir angkot yang mengemudikan angkotnya dengan kecepatan tinggi, alias ngebut, plus ugal-ugalan disebuah jalan. Seluruh penumpang pada takut semua, terutama seorang ibu yang berada disebelah pak sopir itu, ibu itu kemudian berteriak dengan rasa takut...
Ibu : Bang..!! Kalo nyopir jangan ngebut donk!! saya takkuuutt....
Sopir : Bu.. kalo ibu takut, "MEREM" aja seperti sayaa..
Dasar Orang Cina
Si Ahong cina glodok 70thn meninggal dunia ∫εβεlu♏ imlek....( Kasian....),
Ketika arwahnya dalam perjalanan ke akherat, bertemulah Dengan malaikat
Malaikat : "Hong lu mau masuk surga atau neraka.?
Ahong :"Haiyaa... Ga pentinglah buat owe nelaka apa Solga, cuman owe mau tanya
Banyakan mana olang ke nelaka atau ke Solga.?
Malaikat :" jaman sekarang banyak ke neraka, emg kenapa lu tanya gitu.?
Ahong : "soalnya owe mau buka toko disitu
=)) Нå.=D. нå. =D. нå. =D нå ... Jgn ikut jejak Ahong...:D
Ketika arwahnya dalam perjalanan ke akherat, bertemulah Dengan malaikat
Malaikat : "Hong lu mau masuk surga atau neraka.?
Ahong :"Haiyaa... Ga pentinglah buat owe nelaka apa Solga, cuman owe mau tanya
Banyakan mana olang ke nelaka atau ke Solga.?
Malaikat :" jaman sekarang banyak ke neraka, emg kenapa lu tanya gitu.?
Ahong : "soalnya owe mau buka toko disitu
=)) Нå.=D. нå. =D. нå. =D нå ... Jgn ikut jejak Ahong...:D
Cara Kawin Lagi
Suami: dik! Klo abang kawin lg boleh gak?
Istri: boleh bang! Asal abang belajar grammar bhs inggris yg baik & benar
Suami: oke deh :p ....caranya?
Istri: klo satu mobil (singular) bhs inggrisnya.... one car & 2mobil (plural) two cars
Suami: oh itu gampang...tinggal tambah S diujungnya kan?
Istri: betul! Itu sama seperti abang
Suami: maksudnya?:s
Istri: klo satu istri abang MAMPU.....klo dua istri abang MAMPUS!!!!! Ɩơέ
Istri: boleh bang! Asal abang belajar grammar bhs inggris yg baik & benar
Suami: oke deh :p ....caranya?
Istri: klo satu mobil (singular) bhs inggrisnya.... one car & 2mobil (plural) two cars
Suami: oh itu gampang...tinggal tambah S diujungnya kan?
Istri: betul! Itu sama seperti abang
Suami: maksudnya?:s
Istri: klo satu istri abang MAMPU.....klo dua istri abang MAMPUS!!!!! Ɩơέ
HEALTH MESSAGE:
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.
AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!
Good excuse!!!!!
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing ..yet lives for 450 years.
AND YOU TELL ME TO EXERCISE!
Good excuse!!!!!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Tips Diet gak Terpercaya
"Tips Diet gak Terpercaya"
» Jgn prcya klo ada yg bilang kalo sayuran dan buah bisa bikin langsing, tau binatang Gajah, Badak, Gorilla gak ? makannya cuman sayur & buah, badannya gak lanngsing-langsing.
» Jgn prcya kalo ada yang bilang dgn renang bisa bikin langsing. Sdh pernah liat kudanil ? Jd jgn percayaa dengan renang bisa laangsing.
» Jgn prcya klo ada yg bilang kalo sayuran dan buah bisa bikin langsing, tau binatang Gajah, Badak, Gorilla gak ? makannya cuman sayur & buah, badannya gak lanngsing-langsing.
» Jgn prcya kalo ada yang bilang dgn renang bisa bikin langsing. Sdh pernah liat kudanil ? Jd jgn percayaa dengan renang bisa laangsing.
Tips Pencegah Pemerkosaan
Tips pencegahan PEMERKOSAAN di taxi, bus kota & angkot, bila pulang larut malam:
1) Usahakan memakai baju putih panjang.
2) Jika ditanya sopir/kenek yg tampangnya serem2 " Mau kemana, neng??" jawablah dengan tanpa ekspresi & pandangan usahakan kosong serta bersuara perlahan :"ke Kuuubuuuran baaaang....".
3) Lanjutkan dengan tertawa ngikik "Hiiihiiihiiiihihiiiiiii", dan bayar pakai daun kering...hiii hii hiii lagi .
Mudah2an berhasil.....
1) Usahakan memakai baju putih panjang.
2) Jika ditanya sopir/kenek yg tampangnya serem2 " Mau kemana, neng??" jawablah dengan tanpa ekspresi & pandangan usahakan kosong serta bersuara perlahan :"ke Kuuubuuuran baaaang....".
3) Lanjutkan dengan tertawa ngikik "Hiiihiiihiiiihihiiiiiii", dan bayar pakai daun kering...hiii hii hiii lagi .
Mudah2an berhasil.....
Salah Perhitungan
Alkisah pada zaman dulu di daerah Benteng, ada seorang kaya raya, yang hartanya diperkirakan tak kan habis 10 turunan!
Tapi karena 'salah perhitungan', pada turunan ke 6, ludes sudah harta tsb..
Inilah 'silsilah' tragis keluarga "Tjuan"...
Tjuan Tje Tiau punya anak Tjuan Tje Ban..
Tjuan Tje Ban punya anak Tjuan Tje Tjeng..
Tjuan Tje Tjeng punya anak Tjuan Tje Pek..
Tjuan Tje Pek cuma punya anak prempuan bernama, Tjuan Tje Tun..
Tjuan Tje Tun menikah dengan marga Bo..
(Disinilah 'awal' dari kepailitannya!)
Anak-anaknya bernama:
BO TJUAN, BO KEK, BO HUAT, BO GANG TAU šª♏ª BO CENG LI :D
Tapi karena 'salah perhitungan', pada turunan ke 6, ludes sudah harta tsb..
Inilah 'silsilah' tragis keluarga "Tjuan"...
Tjuan Tje Tiau punya anak Tjuan Tje Ban..
Tjuan Tje Ban punya anak Tjuan Tje Tjeng..
Tjuan Tje Tjeng punya anak Tjuan Tje Pek..
Tjuan Tje Pek cuma punya anak prempuan bernama, Tjuan Tje Tun..
Tjuan Tje Tun menikah dengan marga Bo..
(Disinilah 'awal' dari kepailitannya!)
Anak-anaknya bernama:
BO TJUAN, BO KEK, BO HUAT, BO GANG TAU šª♏ª BO CENG LI :D
Fakta (Lelucon)
1. Kalo Circle-K itu buka 24 jam sehari, 7 hari seminggu, dan 12 bulan setahun. Kenapa dipintunya ada lobang kunci?
2. Katanya wajan teflon itu anti lengket. Gimana caranya mereka menempelkan stiker teflon anti lengket di wajan itu?
3. Perlukah kita pake peredam suara kalo kita nembak seorang pantomim?
4. Kenapa mereka mensteril jarum suntik pada hukuman mati suntik?
5. Kalo kura-kura kehilangan tempurungnya, Dia gelandangan atau telanjang?
6. Kalo olive oil berasal dari buah olive, kalo baby oil?
7. Apa yang terjadi kalo ada orang kaget setengah mati, mengalaminya dua kali?
8. Kalo "kotak Hitam" di pesawat itu tidak bisa hancur, Kenapa mereka nggak bikin seluruh pesawat dari bahan yang sama?
9. Kalo ada orang yang ketagihan counseling, Gimana cara menyembuhkan mereka?
10.Kenapa email ini masih terus baca? padahal perusahaan anda udah rugi 5 menit?
2. Katanya wajan teflon itu anti lengket. Gimana caranya mereka menempelkan stiker teflon anti lengket di wajan itu?
3. Perlukah kita pake peredam suara kalo kita nembak seorang pantomim?
4. Kenapa mereka mensteril jarum suntik pada hukuman mati suntik?
5. Kalo kura-kura kehilangan tempurungnya, Dia gelandangan atau telanjang?
6. Kalo olive oil berasal dari buah olive, kalo baby oil?
7. Apa yang terjadi kalo ada orang kaget setengah mati, mengalaminya dua kali?
8. Kalo "kotak Hitam" di pesawat itu tidak bisa hancur, Kenapa mereka nggak bikin seluruh pesawat dari bahan yang sama?
9. Kalo ada orang yang ketagihan counseling, Gimana cara menyembuhkan mereka?
10.Kenapa email ini masih terus baca? padahal perusahaan anda udah rugi 5 menit?
Cowok Ganteng dan Cowok Jelek
Kalau cowok ganteng pendiam, cewek-cewek bilang: Woow, cool banget…
Kalau cowok jelek pendiam, cewek-cewek bilang: Ih kuper…
Kalau cowok jelek pendiam, cewek-cewek bilang: Ih kuper…
Kalau cowok ganteng jomblo, cewek-cewek bilang: Pasti dia perfeksionis
Kalau cowok jelek jomblo, cewek-cewek bilang: Sudah jelas…kagak laku…
Kalau cowok ganteng berbuat jahat, cewek-cewek bilang: Nobody's perfect
Kalau cowok jelek berbuat jahat, cewek-cewek bilang: Pantes…tampangnya kriminal
Kalau cowok ganteng nolongin cewe yang diganggu preman, cewek-cewek bilang: Wuih, jantan…kayak di filem-filem
Kalau cowok jelek nolongin cewe yang diganggu preman, cewek-cewek bilang: Pasti premannya temennya dia…
Kalau cowok ganteng dapet cewek cantik, cewek-cewek bilang: Klop….serasi banget…
Kalau cowok jelek dapet cewek cantik, cewek-cewek bilang: Pasti main dukun…
Kalau cowok ganteng diputusin cewek, cewek-cewek bilang: Jangan sedih, khan masih ada aku…
Kalau cowok jelek diputusin cewek, cewek-cewek bilang:…(Terdiam, tapi telunjuknya meliuk-liuk dari atas ke bawah)
Kalau cowok ganteng ngaku indo, cewek-cewek bilang: Emang mirip-mirip bule sih…
Kalau cowok jelek ngaku indo, cewek-cewek bilang: Pasti ibunya Jawa, bapaknya robot…
Kalau cowok ganteng penyayang binatang, cewek-cewek bilang: Perasaannya halus…penuh cinta kasih
Kalau cowok jelek penyayang binatang, cewek-cewek bilang: Sesama keluarga emang harus menyayangi…
Kalau cowok ganteng bawa BMW, cewek-cewek bilang: Matching…keren luar dalem
Kalau cowok jelek bawa BMW, cewek-cewek bilang: Mas, majikannya mana?…
Kalau cowok ganteng males difoto, cewek-cewek bilang: Pasti takut fotonya kesebar-sebar
Kalau cowok jelek males difoto, cewek-cewek bilang: Nggak tega ngeliat hasil cetakannya ya?…
Kalau cowok ganteng naek motor gede, cewek-cewek bilang: Wah, kayak lorenzo lamas…bikin lemas…
Kalau cowok jelek naek motor gede, cewek-cewek bilang: Awas!! mandragade lewat…
Kalau cowok ganteng nuangin air ke gelas cewek, cewek-cewek bilang: Ini baru cowok gentlemen
Kalau cowok jelek nuangin air ke gelas cewek, cewek-cewek bilang: Naluri pembantu emang gitu…
Kalau cowok ganteng bersedih hati, cewek-cewek bilang: Let me be your shoulder to cry on
Kalau cowok jelek bersedih hati, cewek-cewek bilang: Cengeng amat!!!…ini laki-laki apa bukan sih?!
Joke About Operator
E'SIA'pa si lo..?? Kok pake baju XL begitu? sok akrab panggil" gw FREN, lo pikir lo hebat kaya MENTARI, pake acungin JEMPOL sgala!! Lo kira gw bakal SIMPATI gtu sama lo?? Liat muke lo ga CERIA dan ga SMART gtu.. jangan sok AXIS deh loh... Dasar pencuri pulsa.. !
Pride Of Being....... Hongkies, Singaporeans, Indonesians and Malaysians
Being Hongkies is good because...
1. We are Hongkies and not Chinese.
2. We can talk and shout and nobody gives a damn.
3. Jackie Chan is our icon.
4. We can live in a 5' x 5' cubicle and call it luxury apartment. We even need to pay HK$10,000 a month for this cubicle.
5. Our children can speak Cantonese at a young age.
6. We get to blame everything on Feng Shui or Tung Chee Hwa or the mainland communists.
7. Gambling is more interesting than sex. Macau is the place to go for thrills!
8. We produce a lot of Miss Hong Kong to the enjoyment of the rich and famous.
We love being Singaporean because..
1. We are not Malaysians.
2. Everyone (especially the Malaysian) hates us, except ourselves.
3. Famous for Orchard Road and we love Geylang. Geylang is the place to go for thrills!
4. We have our own island.
5. We will never ever have yucky chewing gum stuck under our shoes.
6. We know how to enjoy our vacation in Malaysia - keep a few RM50 notes before you enter the highway: You can throw anything, anytime, anywhere and always wash our cars at the resort.
7. We can speed up to 180 kilometers per hour and not ending up with a summon as long as we have RM50 with us to spare.
8. The men are always concerned, first question to ask a girl 'Do you have CPF?'
9. Never fear of getting lost in our country - S$20 taxi ride will get you into the sea. Hahaha!
10. We'll never have to worry about finding Mr or Ms right because the government will find one for us.
11. 1 Singapore dollar = 2.5 Ringgit... nyek nyek nyek.
12. It's OK to be Kiasu. It's part of our culture.
Top reasons for being Indonesian are as follow...
1. We are not Australian.
2. We live in the biggest country in South East Asia .
3. No pirates in Indonesia water if you exclude the Navy and Coast guards.
4. Everything is cheap, even our salaries...
5. We can blame everything to Suharto or BJ Habibie or Gus Dur or Megawati or who's next?
6. Only in Indonesia you can get involved in real demonstrations daily for different causes and see no results.
7. Our Rupiah is like a Yo Yo, it can go up and down just because IMF say so...
8. We burn everything and nobody gives a damn. We cause haze all over the South East Asia and nobody can do a thing... nyek nyek nyek.
9. We don't need fire fighters as our neighbours will provide...
Being a Malaysian is the best because...
1. World tallest twin towers, Best F1 circuit, largest roti canai, most expensive toll rates, because Malaysia Boleh!
2. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the handphone, adjusting the radio and bribing the traffic police at the same time.
3. We divorce by sending SMS.
4. Traffic summon can be settled on the spot with the traffic police.
5. We have Teh Tarik & Roti Canai on the Russian space ship.
6. We can save a lot of electricity b'coz our TV shows are so crappy.
7. We can blame everything on the haze or George Soros or government or opposition parties or...
8. Resourceful City Council, one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street's bulb and three others watching...
9. We make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway and back to 2 lane when police are sighted
10. There's always something for the JKR/TNB/TALIKOM/SYABAS to do. They dig, resurface the road, dig and resurface...and blame each other for bad co-ordination.
11. All main roads are designated highway because it gives Velooo a reason to collect toll.
12. Our government can never be wrong or dishonest.
13. Our badminton players win already only need to pay them RM35,000 very cheap compare to David Beckham.
14. You can divorce for as little as RM 10 million ringgit and marry a young singer you like, how nice is life.
15. We can even use C4 bomb to bombard Gengkis Khan or Kublai Khan grandchildren.
16. We have more water than Singapore .... nyek nyek nyek.
17. If you got no monies you can always snatch other peoples monies since police can't do much to help.
18. If you are a police, doesn't matter about the traffic rules, its for citizens only
19. If you are a policeman rider you can kick and bang people car like nobody business
20.. If you drive a police car, you can speed cause speed limit only apply to citizens
21. All motor rider can join the recognized & supported Mat Rempit club for free and can beat up anybody in their way and can even throw stones at the police station anytime they like.
21. If you got nothing to do join the rela and go to the kongsi gelap and extort monies from allover.
22. You can rape people and blame them for wearing very little.
23. A country so free to do things you like. Tell me which country is like ours.
Idiot of 2011
Number One Idiot of 2011:
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Two Idiot of 2011:
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s.
They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2011:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag.
"While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America .
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2011:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number Five Idiot of 2011:
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21.
"The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2011:
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2011:
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Atheis dan Kristen "Fanatik"
Suatu hari di surga, menghadap seorg atheis dan seorg kristen "fanatik", Tuhan memutuskan untuk memasukkan si atheis ke surga, si kristen malah masuk neraka. Jelas si kristen protes.
Tuhan menjawab: Lahhh kau ini! ngrepotin Gua melulu, sakit bukannya minum obat malah nyuruh Gw sembuhin, kau yg utang, suruh Gw yg lunasin. Gw disuruh jadi satpam jaga rumah lu. Lu dipukul org gara2 suruh jd kristen, lu bilang Gw yg nyuruh. Baru ngasih greja ceban aja, Gw disuruh balikin cepek tiau. Lu yg enak2 bikin anak, Gw lg disuruh pelihara n bilang Gw yg ngasih. Kemaren lu mati gara2 udah tau darah tinggi, eeeh malah makan sate kambing n makan duren!!! Sekarang lu mati, seluruh keluarga lu bilang Gw yg manggil elu. Sekarang lu ke sini mau apa? Lu cuma mau rumah Gw kan? Enak2 aje!!! lu liat tuh si atheis! Kagak pernah ngrepotin gw. Tiap hari melakukan kebaikan, meski dia blm tau Gw siapa, tapi sekarang dia jg mau terima & percaya Gw sebagai TUHANnya. Hatinya tulus tanpa pamrih. Ya jelas Gw pilih dia drpd lu yg kristen, tapi kaga ngerti mau Gw apa! Percuma lu ngaku anak Gw, tapi kagak pernah jd kayak Gw! Lu ama Gw kaga ada mirip2nya!!! Jd sorry lah yauw!!, tempat lu bukan di surga, tapi di neraka!!! :|
Tuhan menjawab: Lahhh kau ini! ngrepotin Gua melulu, sakit bukannya minum obat malah nyuruh Gw sembuhin, kau yg utang, suruh Gw yg lunasin. Gw disuruh jadi satpam jaga rumah lu. Lu dipukul org gara2 suruh jd kristen, lu bilang Gw yg nyuruh. Baru ngasih greja ceban aja, Gw disuruh balikin cepek tiau. Lu yg enak2 bikin anak, Gw lg disuruh pelihara n bilang Gw yg ngasih. Kemaren lu mati gara2 udah tau darah tinggi, eeeh malah makan sate kambing n makan duren!!! Sekarang lu mati, seluruh keluarga lu bilang Gw yg manggil elu. Sekarang lu ke sini mau apa? Lu cuma mau rumah Gw kan? Enak2 aje!!! lu liat tuh si atheis! Kagak pernah ngrepotin gw. Tiap hari melakukan kebaikan, meski dia blm tau Gw siapa, tapi sekarang dia jg mau terima & percaya Gw sebagai TUHANnya. Hatinya tulus tanpa pamrih. Ya jelas Gw pilih dia drpd lu yg kristen, tapi kaga ngerti mau Gw apa! Percuma lu ngaku anak Gw, tapi kagak pernah jd kayak Gw! Lu ama Gw kaga ada mirip2nya!!! Jd sorry lah yauw!!, tempat lu bukan di surga, tapi di neraka!!! :|
Pengemis
Pengemis : Biasa aja tuh, hari ini saya udh makan 3x koq. :)
Manager : Loh..? uangnya cuman buat makan bapak doank? Anak dan istri di rumah makan apa? 8-|
Pengemis : Kayak org susah aja..! Td pagi saya sekeluarga abis ngerayain ultah anak saya yg kelima di Mc. Donald bareng guru2 & tmn2 sekolahnya. Siang ini istri dan anak saya barusan bbm saya, mrk lg makan di Pizza HUT tau! /:)
Manager sampai kebingungan dan berkata : Emank bapak ngemis 1 hari dapet brp..? :/
Pengemis : Nih ya.. Saya kasi tau..!!
Saya ngemis dari jam 07.00-17.00.
Lampu merah atau hijau waktunya 60 detik. Setiap 60 detik paling nggak saya bisa dapet 2.000./:)
1 jam = 60 kali lampu merah/
Hijau
60 x 2.000 = 120.000 /jam
1 hari saya kerja 10 jam, 1 jam buat istirahat jadi 9 jam.
9 jam x 120.000 = 1.080.000/hari.
1 bulan saya kerja 26 hari.
26 hari x 1.080.000 = 28.080.000/bulan. :D
Manager sampai kaget dan bengong mendengar cerita pengemis itu..:O
Pengemis berkata : Emank mas jadi manager, gaji per bulannya brp..? 3-|
Manager : 6.000.000 :(
Pengemis : Ijasah..?
Manager : S-2:'(
Pengemis : Saya jd prihatin dech lihat penderitaan mas!!! Pasti abis banyak duit ya mas buat kuliah??? blom lg kerja kena marah ama boss. Kepala mas isinya pasti penuh soal kerjaan mulu. Mending mas ngemis aja. Biar kaya sperti saya. Saya ngemis udh 20 tahun, udah punya 2 mobil BMW buat saya & istri saya, kartu kredit platinum, Apartemen, rmh di kawasan elite, anak saya belajar di international school dan anak perempuan saya yg paling tua sekarang lagi liburan bareng temen2nya yg sipit2 ke singapur,, minimal setahun 1X kami keliling dunia ..:x :D
Manager:
ƪ(-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩__-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)ʃ ☀ ※huaa..♡̷̬̩̃̊huuaaa.... (╥﹏╥)
Lanjutkan BBM dan jgn pernah kasi pengemis krn akan membudayakan malas bekerja.... !!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tukiman
Tukiman Чαπƍ αƨƖɪ̇ мαϑυяα, sedang berlibur ke Jakarta...
Dia ingin keliling Jakarta dg naik metromini..
Ia pun duduk dg sebisa mungkin menyesuaikan diri agar tidak nampak sbagai orang asing Чªήğ baru tau Jakarta..
Diam2 ia mengamati sgala apapun Чªήğ terjadi..
Termasuk tingkah laku kernet 'ҋ penumpang" bus tsb..
Saat si kernet menyodorkan tangannya ke penumpang sebelahnya sambil menggemerincingkan bberapa uang logam ∂ί tangannya.. Tanpa berucap kernet itu langsung diberi uang oleh si penumpang Rp.3000,- .. Lalu ketika si kernet itu melkukan Hal Чªήğ sama kpd tukiman.. Maka tukiman pun ikut memberikan uang Rp.3000,- juga..
Tak lama kemudian si kernet bilang... "dirman..dirman..dirman.." (tanda dia memberitahu bahwa bus telah sampai ∂ί jl sudirman)
Lalu seorang penumpang laki2 bilang.. "kiri..!" Dan turunlah penumpang tersebut..
Selang berapa lama kernet bilang... "kartini..kartini..kartini.."
Seorang cewek muda bilang.. "kiri..!" lalu cwek tsb pun turun..
Béberapa lama kernet itu bilang lagi.. "wahidin..wahidin..wahidin.."
Adalagi cowok Чªήğ bilang.. "kiri..!"
Tingallah seorang diri tukiman ∂ί dalam bus sbg penumpang.. Чªήğ dalam hatinya ngedumel 'ҋ lama2 jengkel juga dia.. Lalu dicoleklah si kernet, sambil dg logat kental maduranya 'ҋ dg nada marah tukiman bilang..
"korang ajjar sampiyan.. Daari tadi rang-orang sampiyan panggil.. Lhaaa nama saya ndak sampiyan pangil2..!! Ķάļō' begini caranya.. Kaaapan saya toron..?!!!
Untung si kernet tanggap, Dan Tanya.. "siapa nama bapak..?"
Stelah ∂ί beritau si kernetpun bilang.. "tukiman..tukiman..tukiman.."
Tukiman pun lega 'ҋ berkata.. "naaaah..Beggiitu Do◦°˚ ˚°◦onG..!! Kirri...!"
Maka turunlah tukiman ∂ί jalan tol.. X_X
*Bagi yg menemukan tukiman harap menghubungi keluarganya yang ª∂a̲̅ di Sumenep.
Dia ingin keliling Jakarta dg naik metromini..
Ia pun duduk dg sebisa mungkin menyesuaikan diri agar tidak nampak sbagai orang asing Чªήğ baru tau Jakarta..
Diam2 ia mengamati sgala apapun Чªήğ terjadi..
Termasuk tingkah laku kernet 'ҋ penumpang" bus tsb..
Saat si kernet menyodorkan tangannya ke penumpang sebelahnya sambil menggemerincingkan bberapa uang logam ∂ί tangannya.. Tanpa berucap kernet itu langsung diberi uang oleh si penumpang Rp.3000,- .. Lalu ketika si kernet itu melkukan Hal Чªήğ sama kpd tukiman.. Maka tukiman pun ikut memberikan uang Rp.3000,- juga..
Tak lama kemudian si kernet bilang... "dirman..dirman..dirman.." (tanda dia memberitahu bahwa bus telah sampai ∂ί jl sudirman)
Lalu seorang penumpang laki2 bilang.. "kiri..!" Dan turunlah penumpang tersebut..
Selang berapa lama kernet bilang... "kartini..kartini..kartini.."
Seorang cewek muda bilang.. "kiri..!" lalu cwek tsb pun turun..
Béberapa lama kernet itu bilang lagi.. "wahidin..wahidin..wahidin.."
Adalagi cowok Чªήğ bilang.. "kiri..!"
Tingallah seorang diri tukiman ∂ί dalam bus sbg penumpang.. Чªήğ dalam hatinya ngedumel 'ҋ lama2 jengkel juga dia.. Lalu dicoleklah si kernet, sambil dg logat kental maduranya 'ҋ dg nada marah tukiman bilang..
"korang ajjar sampiyan.. Daari tadi rang-orang sampiyan panggil.. Lhaaa nama saya ndak sampiyan pangil2..!! Ķάļō' begini caranya.. Kaaapan saya toron..?!!!
Untung si kernet tanggap, Dan Tanya.. "siapa nama bapak..?"
Stelah ∂ί beritau si kernetpun bilang.. "tukiman..tukiman..tukiman.."
Tukiman pun lega 'ҋ berkata.. "naaaah..Beggiitu Do◦°˚ ˚°◦onG..!! Kirri...!"
Maka turunlah tukiman ∂ί jalan tol.. X_X
*Bagi yg menemukan tukiman harap menghubungi keluarganya yang ª∂a̲̅ di Sumenep.
PANCASILA TERBARU :
PANCASILA TERBARU :
;) 1. Keuangan Yang Maha Kuasa
:| 2. Korupsi yg adil dan merata.
:( 3. Persatuan mafia hukum Indonesia.
3-| 4. Kekuasaan yg dipimpin oleh nafsu kebejatan dalam persekongkolan dan kepura- puraan.
X_X 5. Kenyamanan Sosial bagi seluruh pejabat, Wakil Rakyat dan keluarganya..
Broadcast trus biar sampe ke Presiden :p
Hancur sdh negeri ini,,
Mau bikin WC aj butuhin dana 2miliar,, coba yang dipikirkan nasib rakyatnya, msh bnyk yang miskin, n yg lbh pnting dr skedar urusan WC !! emanknya itu uang hasil keringat pejabat.. !!! ??
Lanjutin BM ke teman².. jangan putus di kamu .......
I <3 Indonesia,. Tapi tak bgini..
;) 1. Keuangan Yang Maha Kuasa
:| 2. Korupsi yg adil dan merata.
:( 3. Persatuan mafia hukum Indonesia.
3-| 4. Kekuasaan yg dipimpin oleh nafsu kebejatan dalam persekongkolan dan kepura- puraan.
X_X 5. Kenyamanan Sosial bagi seluruh pejabat, Wakil Rakyat dan keluarganya..
Broadcast trus biar sampe ke Presiden :p
Hancur sdh negeri ini,,
Mau bikin WC aj butuhin dana 2miliar,, coba yang dipikirkan nasib rakyatnya, msh bnyk yang miskin, n yg lbh pnting dr skedar urusan WC !! emanknya itu uang hasil keringat pejabat.. !!! ??
Lanjutin BM ke teman².. jangan putus di kamu .......
I <3 Indonesia,. Tapi tak bgini..
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