http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Three Marriage Connditions
A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy ambassador at a very expensive restaurant in New York.
The ambassador was so enthralled by her beauty that he asked her to marry him. The secretary knew she couldn't insult a foreign dignitary, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions."
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72-karat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
The ambassador picked up his cell phone, called his personal accountant, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons, along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal brokers in New York and France, and said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"
The secretary knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.
"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis."
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The ambassador was so enthralled by her beauty that he asked her to marry him. The secretary knew she couldn't insult a foreign dignitary, so she decided to let him down easy.
"I'll only marry you under three conditions."
"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.
"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72-karat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."
The ambassador picked up his cell phone, called his personal accountant, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"
"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons, along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."
The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal brokers in New York and France, and said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"
The secretary knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.
"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis."
A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Friday, December 28, 2012
Merry Christmas 8
Di mana ada DOA&Penyembahan
di situ pasti ada JAWABAN˚˚°˚°
Di mana ada IMAN,,
di situ ada MuJiZat ˚°˚°
Di mana ada PENGHARAPAN,
di situ ada KEKUATAN °˚°˚°
Di mana ada KASIH,, di situ ada KEMENANGAN˚°°˚°˚°
Dimana ada KRISTUS disitu ada KESELAMATAN.˚°˚°
YESUS lahir membawa Suka Cita untuk Dunia,KESELAMATAN tlah Hadir bagi kita..˚°˚°. " Merry Christmas ". Semoga dimalam natal ini membawa Terang & Damai bagi kita semua :)
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
di situ pasti ada JAWABAN˚˚°˚°
Di mana ada IMAN,,
di situ ada MuJiZat ˚°˚°
Di mana ada PENGHARAPAN,
di situ ada KEKUATAN °˚°˚°
Di mana ada KASIH,, di situ ada KEMENANGAN˚°°˚°˚°
Dimana ada KRISTUS disitu ada KESELAMATAN.˚°˚°
YESUS lahir membawa Suka Cita untuk Dunia,KESELAMATAN tlah Hadir bagi kita..˚°˚°. " Merry Christmas ". Semoga dimalam natal ini membawa Terang & Damai bagi kita semua :)
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Thursday, December 27, 2012
a divorce lawyer
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Size
1 inch - Are you fucking kidding?
2 inch - I can't even hold it properly.
3 inch - Never been so unsatisfied in my life.
4 inch - I've had bigger.
5 inch - Good, but not enough!
6 inch - About right.
7 inch - Can't complain.
8 inch - Fucking perfect.
9 inch - A bit much.
10 inch - It's hurting my insides.
11 inch - I can't take it anymore.
12 inch - I'm absolutely fucking destroyed.
Results of people reviewing different
Subway Sandwiches
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
2 inch - I can't even hold it properly.
3 inch - Never been so unsatisfied in my life.
4 inch - I've had bigger.
5 inch - Good, but not enough!
6 inch - About right.
7 inch - Can't complain.
8 inch - Fucking perfect.
9 inch - A bit much.
10 inch - It's hurting my insides.
11 inch - I can't take it anymore.
12 inch - I'm absolutely fucking destroyed.
Results of people reviewing different
Subway Sandwiches
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
9 interesting confusions
9 interesting confusions :]
1. Can u cry undr water?
2. Do fishes ever get thirsty?
3. Y dnt birds fall of trees when
they sleep?
4. Y z it calld buildng when it z
alrdy built?
5. When they say dogs food z
new n improvd, who tastes it?
6. "I Love You" z not a questn den
y does it need an answr?
7. Y does round pizza come in a
square box?
8. Y doesn't glue stick 2 its bottle?
9. If money doesn't grow on trees
den y do banks have branches?
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
1. Can u cry undr water?
2. Do fishes ever get thirsty?
3. Y dnt birds fall of trees when
they sleep?
4. Y z it calld buildng when it z
alrdy built?
5. When they say dogs food z
new n improvd, who tastes it?
6. "I Love You" z not a questn den
y does it need an answr?
7. Y does round pizza come in a
square box?
8. Y doesn't glue stick 2 its bottle?
9. If money doesn't grow on trees
den y do banks have branches?
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Does Santa really live in the North Pole?
Does Santa really live in the North Pole? Lets look at the evidence.
1. Wears red and white.
2. Good at breaking into houses.
3. Has loads of electrical goods that nobody can trace.
4. Drives an unlicensed vehicle.
5. Only does one days work a year.
Lapland my arse!
He's a Man. United supporter from Manchester.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
1. Wears red and white.
2. Good at breaking into houses.
3. Has loads of electrical goods that nobody can trace.
4. Drives an unlicensed vehicle.
5. Only does one days work a year.
Lapland my arse!
He's a Man. United supporter from Manchester.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Untuk 7 Hal Ini, Santa Claus Tidak Bisa Dibilang Sehat
1. Kurang tidur
Membagi-bagikan hadiah Natal sepanjang malam bukanlah pekerjaan yang sehat menurut seorang ahli. Bahkan mengendarai kereta pada tengah malam dalam keadaan mengantuk efeknya sama bahayanya dengan mabuk minuman keras.
"Bisa dibayangkan Santa Claus mengantuk seperti orang sedang mabuk," kata Michael Decker, PhD dari American Academy of Sleep Medicine.
Parahnya lagi, efek kurang tidur bersifat kumulatif dan menurut cerita, Santa Claus menyiapkan hadiah sejak sebulan sebelum Natal tiba. Dikhawatirkan, saat malam Natal tiba Santa kehilangan kemampuan untuk memberikan reaksi yang cekatan terhadap objek spesifik. Bisa saja salah mengirimkan hadiah, atau parkir di atap yang salah.
2. Bawaan terlalu berat
Robert Danoff, D.O. dari Aria Health System di Philadelphia mengatakan bahwa seseorang idealnya tidak membawa beban lebih dari 10 persen dari berat badannya sendiri apalagi dibebankan hanya di salah satu bahu. Akibatnya fatal, bisa memicu nyeri punggung atau bahkan terkilir, serta kesemutan di lengan dan kaki.
"Ini potensial menyebabkan sesuatu yang akan berdampak jangka panjang bagi Santa," kata Danoff yang lebih menyarankan semacam ransel dengan tali (strap) lebar agar lebih nyaman di pundak.
3. Obesitas
Dari masa ke masa, jarang sekali Santa Claus digambarkan kurus. Padahal dengan perut buncitnya, Santa sangat berisiko mengalami gangguan metabolisme yang bisa memicu diabetes, kolesterol tinggi hingga gangguan jantung. Untuk laki-laki, lingkar pinggang disarankan tidak lebih dari 100 cm.
4. Kerja keras setelah malas-malasan
"Dia tidak terlalu aktif, sepertinya," kata Danoff mengomentari gaya hidup Santa Claus, yang gemuk seperti orang yang jarang berolah raga.
Ketika mendadak sibuk dan harus bekerja keras sepanjang malam Natal, maka aktivitas berat seperti mengangkat dan membungkuk bisa memicu cedera serius. Danoff menyarankan agar Santa rutin jalan-jalan atau melakukan yoga agar tubuhnya tidak kaget pada malam Natal.
5. Berewokan rentan ditumbuhi kuman
Terdengar berlebihan memang, tapi jenggot tebal seperti milik Santa Claus rentan ditumbuhi kuman. Bayangkan Santa mengelap jenggotnya setelah mengusap mata atau bibirnya, maka di musim flu seperti ini maka virus dan kuman lainnya sangat mudah menempel di jenggot.
"Pertama-tama kami anjurkan Santa untuk sedia hand sanitizer. Dan dia juga harus mendapat vaksin flu, tidak perlu diragukan lagi," kata Danoff.
6. Jarang kena matahari
Tinggal di kutub utara dan hanya keluar rumah pada malam Natal, Santa Claus praktis sangat jarang kena sinar matahari. Padahal tubuh manusia butuh sinar matahari untuk memenuhi kebutuhan vitamin D. Jika tidak ingin mengalami berbagai masalah kesehatan, Santa disarankan untuk banyak minum susu yang diperkaya vitamin D serta makanan bergizi lainnya seperti salmon.
7. Rentan jetlag gara-gara jalan jauh dalam semalam
Perjalanan jauh melintasi benua dalam waktu semalam sangat rentan memicu jetlag yang sangat mengganggu pola tidur. Agar bisa beristirahat dengan tenang dan lebih cepat beradaptasi di setiap zona waktu, Prof Decker menyarankan Santa Claus untuk menyusun rencanan perjalanan yang dimulai dari timur ke barat, bukan sebaliknya.
"Dengan cara itu, Santa akan beradaptasi lebih cepat," kata Prof Decker.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Monday, December 24, 2012
Math Terorist
A school teacher has been arrested at Jomo Kenyatta Airport for attempting to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a scientific calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement . He will be charged with carrying weapons of Maths Instruction.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement . He will be charged with carrying weapons of Maths Instruction.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
A killer jigsaw puzzle
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then….." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then….." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Proposal test
3 young Ladies proposed a MAN.
He had to choose one of them..
He tested by giving them
£5000.00 each to spend...
...
...
1st bought make up stuff & new
dresses & said she wanted to
look
good for him.
2nd got him few expensive
shirts & ties and perfumes &
said she wanted him to look
good.
3rd one invested the money,
Got profit & returned him
original amount,saying that she
saved the rest for their future.
Finally MAN decided to marry
the Lady who was
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Prettiest lol
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
He had to choose one of them..
He tested by giving them
£5000.00 each to spend...
...
...
1st bought make up stuff & new
dresses & said she wanted to
look
good for him.
2nd got him few expensive
shirts & ties and perfumes &
said she wanted him to look
good.
3rd one invested the money,
Got profit & returned him
original amount,saying that she
saved the rest for their future.
Finally MAN decided to marry
the Lady who was
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Prettiest lol
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
20 Advantages Of Being A Woman!!!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are classed as stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies … (you get the point).
9. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
10. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
11. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
12. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
13. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
14. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
15. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in
16. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
17. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
18. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
19. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
20. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are classed as stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies … (you get the point).
9. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
10. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
11. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
12. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
13. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
14. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
15. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in
16. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
17. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
18. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
19. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
20. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Here' s to a very smart blonde joke.....
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly …
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. . . . . . . …
So I just switched the heads.'
(Bet you didn't see that coming lol)
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly …
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. . . . . . . …
So I just switched the heads.'
(Bet you didn't see that coming lol)
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Smart old cock
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock.
As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock:
"Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all.
Young cock: OK. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his
might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang.....!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,
SHIT......
This is the fifth QUEER cock I've bought this week.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Never under-estimate or write off the Elderly, they will beat you with WISDOM and EXPERIENCE Time and Time again!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock:
"Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I know, you are old & should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition & if I win you shall allow me to have one hen & if I lose you will have all.
Young cock: OK. What kind of competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off & when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his
might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.
Suddenly, Bang.....!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed,
SHIT......
This is the fifth QUEER cock I've bought this week.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Never under-estimate or write off the Elderly, they will beat you with WISDOM and EXPERIENCE Time and Time again!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
VIRUS ALERT!
There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-R ecreational-Kil ler (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-N eutralizer-Extr actor (WINE) or Bothersome-Empl oyer-Eliminator -Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should pass on this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-N eutralizer-Extr actor (WINE) or Bothersome-Empl oyer-Eliminator -Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should pass on this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
lucky saucer
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.
He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for twenty dollars.
The store-owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice.
I'll pay you two hundred dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the two hundred bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week....
I've sold sixteen cats."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for twenty dollars.
The store-owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice.
I'll pay you two hundred dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the two hundred bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week....
I've sold sixteen cats."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
NICE STORY
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son… What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son… What happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Christmas Q & A
Q: What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
A: A puddle!
Q: Where do reindeer go to dance?
A: Christmas balls!
Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.
Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.
Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
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A: A puddle!
Q: Where do reindeer go to dance?
A: Christmas balls!
Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A. A Christmas Quacker.
Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?
A. Santa Pause!
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?
A. In a snow bank.
Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A. Because of all the wrapping!
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Smart interpreter
The Mafia were looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting.'
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for the job of collecting weekly from the businesses.
In his first week, the deaf collector picks up more than $80,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep some of the money for himself, & stashes it in a safe place.
The Mafia boss soon realizes the collection is short and sends some of his thugs after the deaf collector. The thugs drag the guy to an interpreter.
The right-hand man says to the interpreter, "Ask him where is the REST of the money."
The interpreter signs, "Where's the MONEY?"
The deaf collector signs,
"I don't know what you're talking about!!!!!!!"
The interpreter tells the main man, "He says he DOESN'T know what you're talking about."
The main man pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector.
"NOW ask him again!!!!!!!!! Where is the rest of the money?"
The interpreter signs, "Where is the MONEY?"
The deaf collector terrified for his life signs, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park just east of the big fountain."
The interpreter's eyes light up........... Then says to the right-hand man, "He still doesn't know what you're talking about, and he doesn't think....
you have the guts to pull the trigger!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for the job of collecting weekly from the businesses.
In his first week, the deaf collector picks up more than $80,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep some of the money for himself, & stashes it in a safe place.
The Mafia boss soon realizes the collection is short and sends some of his thugs after the deaf collector. The thugs drag the guy to an interpreter.
The right-hand man says to the interpreter, "Ask him where is the REST of the money."
The interpreter signs, "Where's the MONEY?"
The deaf collector signs,
"I don't know what you're talking about!!!!!!!"
The interpreter tells the main man, "He says he DOESN'T know what you're talking about."
The main man pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector.
"NOW ask him again!!!!!!!!! Where is the rest of the money?"
The interpreter signs, "Where is the MONEY?"
The deaf collector terrified for his life signs, "The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central Park just east of the big fountain."
The interpreter's eyes light up........... Then says to the right-hand man, "He still doesn't know what you're talking about, and he doesn't think....
you have the guts to pull the trigger!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Twenty ways to confuse Santa Claus
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
9. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
10. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
11. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
13. While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
17. Leave out a Santa suit, with an attached dry-cleaning bill.
18. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue for personal injury.
19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20. Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Call for backup."
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He said...
"Call for backup."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
He said...
"Call for backup."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
HEIGHT OF BADLUCK... :D
Boy: Marry Me.. ??
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Girl: Do You Have A House..??
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Boy: No..
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Girl: Do You Have A BMW Car..??
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Boy: No..
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Girl: How Much Is Your Salary.. ??
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Boy: No Salary.. But,..
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Girl: No But. You Have Nothing.. How Can I Marry You..?? Leave Please.!!
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Boy: (Talk To Himself) I Have One Villa,
3 Property Lands,
3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche..
Why I Still Need To Buy BMW..?? :O
How Can I Get The Salary When
Actually I'm The BOSS..:)) :p:O:/ :D
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
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Girl: Do You Have A House..??
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Boy: No..
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Girl: Do You Have A BMW Car..??
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Boy: No..
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Girl: How Much Is Your Salary.. ??
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Boy: No Salary.. But,..
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Girl: No But. You Have Nothing.. How Can I Marry You..?? Leave Please.!!
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Boy: (Talk To Himself) I Have One Villa,
3 Property Lands,
3 Ferrari, 2 Porsche..
Why I Still Need To Buy BMW..?? :O
How Can I Get The Salary When
Actually I'm The BOSS..:)) :p:O:/ :D
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Good cough medicine
A pharmasist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?" he asked his assistant.
"He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."
"You fucking idiot!" said the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives"
"Of course you can!" the assistant replied, "Look at him, he's too scared to cough now!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"What's wrong with him?" he asked his assistant.
"He came in for cough syrup but I couldn't find any so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."
"You fucking idiot!" said the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives"
"Of course you can!" the assistant replied, "Look at him, he's too scared to cough now!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Supplies...
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand. He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while." "I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand." So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere." Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile." The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither." The foreman is really angry now He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent. Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Saturday, December 22, 2012
A little touch
A taxi passenger, touched the driver on the shoulder to ask something and the driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath and stopped few centimeters from a shop!
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again, you scared me!!"
The passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much."
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault, its my 1st day as a Cab driver. I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 40 years.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The driver said: "Don't ever do that again, you scared me!!"
The passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much."
Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault, its my 1st day as a Cab driver. I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 40 years.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Friday, December 21, 2012
Home burglarized
"Get this", said a guy to his friend, "last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house".
"Did he get anything", his friend asked?
"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk again".
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Did he get anything", his friend asked?
"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk again".
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Problems with squirrel
There were five houses of religion in a small Texas town:
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.
Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will...
In The Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter ...
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue.
Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will...
In The Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday and Easter ...
Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Male or Female
Are you male or female?
to find answer,look down
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I SAID "LOOK" DOWN, NOT SCROLL DOWN...!!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
to find answer,look down
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I SAID "LOOK" DOWN, NOT SCROLL DOWN...!!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Special Gel
Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this baby as gentle as possible down on the water".
"Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified.
"Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs".
"And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more?" asks the little lady.
"Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much".
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?" asks a little old lady, terrified.
"Yes, I'm afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this. Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs".
"And if I do this, the sharks won't eat me any more?" asks the little lady.
"Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won't enjoy it so much".
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
“You’ve got mail!”
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is!"
My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
A hard of hearing genie
Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."
"Could I see him?"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.
About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."
"Could I see him?"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.
About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"
He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Alligator shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Materialistic Lawyer
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.<
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my
Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer.
"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh no!", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.
"Where's my Rolex???!!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my
Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer.
"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh no!", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.
"Where's my Rolex???!!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Karate Dog
A woman walks into a pet store and asks for a guard dog. The shop keeper then hands her a tiny dog and says, "This dog can do karate, just say an object and say karate right after."
The shop keeper then commands, "Karate the table!" The dog jumps up and smashes the table; "Karate my chair!" The dog then smashes the chair into bits!
Delighted, the woman takes the tiny dog home and shows it to her boyfrend who screams, "What the hell is this?"
The woman responds, "It does karate!"
The boyfriend responds, "Yeah right ...lol and you believe that shit???...karat e my balls!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The shop keeper then commands, "Karate the table!" The dog jumps up and smashes the table; "Karate my chair!" The dog then smashes the chair into bits!
Delighted, the woman takes the tiny dog home and shows it to her boyfrend who screams, "What the hell is this?"
The woman responds, "It does karate!"
The boyfriend responds, "Yeah right ...lol and you believe that shit???...karat e my balls!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Life after death
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you. You are fired!! Have a good life!!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.
"That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you. You are fired!! Have a good life!!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
THINGS WE CAN LEARN FROM A DOG
1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
4. When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience.
5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
6. Take naps and always stretch before rising.
7. Run, romp, and play daily.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
9. Be loyal.
10. Never pretend to be something you're not.
11. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
13. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
14. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
15. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
16. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
17. When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
18. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
4. When it's in your best interest, always practice obedience.
5. Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
6. Take naps and always stretch before rising.
7. Run, romp, and play daily.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
9. Be loyal.
10. Never pretend to be something you're not.
11. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
12. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
13. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
14. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
15. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
16. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
17. When you are happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
18. No matter how often you are criticized, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Phone Book
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, – "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!"
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – "So, you're the one who took our phone book…"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – "So, you're the one who took our phone book…"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
FaceOff
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Two Blondes rob a bank
Two blondes, Trisha and Robin decided to rob a bank together.
The first blonde, Trisha plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Robin, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Trisha drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Robin, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.
You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Robin.
Robin goes in the bank while Trisha waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass . . . and Trisha is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Robin. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Trisha says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Robin said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Trish. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The first blonde, Trisha plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Robin, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Trisha drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Robin, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.
You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Robin.
Robin goes in the bank while Trisha waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass . . . and Trisha is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Robin. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Trisha says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Robin said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Trish. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Right Answer
Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I'll take the Mexican."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns
Dear John,
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter!
I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. he won't go to counseling and I'm affraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps, John
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter!
I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. he won't go to counseling and I'm affraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps, John
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Smart Dog
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem.
All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Monday, December 17, 2012
Cat Food
A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really ticked if it's not ready on time!" she exclaimed suddenly.
When she got home, she realized that she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.
She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
When she got home, she realized that she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.
She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."
Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died.
The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was licking his butt."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
a professional gambler
There was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy a round of drinks for everyone."
The bartender said, "That's fine, I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.
"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me FIVE hundred dollars!"
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
a BLIND policeman
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me...
a BLIND policeman!'
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me...
a BLIND policeman!'
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Friday, December 14, 2012
Cerita polisi gegana lagi menjinakan bom :
Brik..brik..Kijang 1 ke kijang 2.
Kijang 1 : "Gmn kondisi di sana..??
-Ganti"
Kijang 2 : "Aku msh di dpn bom... Pak komandan, mohon instruksinya,
-Ganti"
Kijang 1 : "Bagus! Skrg sterilkan areanya dulu sersan !"
-Ganti"
Kijang 2 :"Siap ndan !!"
*Tidak lama kemudian *:
Kijang 2 :"Lapor Ndan, area sdh steril..
-Ganti"
Kijang 1 :"Ok, skrg fokus ke bom ya!
Berapa mnt lagi sisa waktunya sersan ?
Kijang 2 :"Skrg waktu hitungan mundur 00:05:15 Ndan.. !!"
Kijang 1 :" Ok, cepat buka tutup bom pakai obeng,!
Kijang 2 :"Sudah Ndan, ada 4 kabel, mohon instruksinya..
"Skrg gunting kabel ijo "
"Siap"
"Gmn sersan? Sdh mati blm bomnya? "
"Blm ndan, malah tambah cepat waktu mundurnya ndan"
"Tadi kabel warna apa yg di gunting.?"
"Ijo Ndan"
"Lha... Ga salah gunting khan..?
"Siap Ndan, td saya gunting kabel wrn ijo.
"Skrg warna kabel apa aja yg tersisa?
"Merah, hitam dan ijo'"
" HAHHH ! Kok ijonya msh ada.?
" Yang ijo ada 2 ndan !..ijo daun dan ijo langit.."
" Ah edan kamu!! Langit itu warnanya biru, bkn ijo goblog!"
"Kalo di kampung saya itu ijo loh Ndan"
"Sesukamu lah !! Berarti yang kamu gunting tadi warna biru ?"
"Ho oh Ndan, siap menerima instruksi selanjutnya.!!
"Guoblog bener kamu ini !!!!, lha kalo kabel biru yang di gunting ya tambah cepet jalan waktu bomnya !!
Di radio HT sdh terdengar si sersan panik
"Kondisi darurat ! Bom 10 detik lagi meledak ndan, mohon instruksi "
"OK, skrg ikuti secara seksama dan tirukan persis omonganku ya..!""
"Siap komandan!"
"Laa Ilaa ha illallaah 3x"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Kijang 1 : "Gmn kondisi di sana..??
-Ganti"
Kijang 2 : "Aku msh di dpn bom... Pak komandan, mohon instruksinya,
-Ganti"
Kijang 1 : "Bagus! Skrg sterilkan areanya dulu sersan !"
-Ganti"
Kijang 2 :"Siap ndan !!"
*Tidak lama kemudian *:
Kijang 2 :"Lapor Ndan, area sdh steril..
-Ganti"
Kijang 1 :"Ok, skrg fokus ke bom ya!
Berapa mnt lagi sisa waktunya sersan ?
Kijang 2 :"Skrg waktu hitungan mundur 00:05:15 Ndan.. !!"
Kijang 1 :" Ok, cepat buka tutup bom pakai obeng,!
Kijang 2 :"Sudah Ndan, ada 4 kabel, mohon instruksinya..
"Skrg gunting kabel ijo "
"Siap"
"Gmn sersan? Sdh mati blm bomnya? "
"Blm ndan, malah tambah cepat waktu mundurnya ndan"
"Tadi kabel warna apa yg di gunting.?"
"Ijo Ndan"
"Lha... Ga salah gunting khan..?
"Siap Ndan, td saya gunting kabel wrn ijo.
"Skrg warna kabel apa aja yg tersisa?
"Merah, hitam dan ijo'"
" HAHHH ! Kok ijonya msh ada.?
" Yang ijo ada 2 ndan !..ijo daun dan ijo langit.."
" Ah edan kamu!! Langit itu warnanya biru, bkn ijo goblog!"
"Kalo di kampung saya itu ijo loh Ndan"
"Sesukamu lah !! Berarti yang kamu gunting tadi warna biru ?"
"Ho oh Ndan, siap menerima instruksi selanjutnya.!!
"Guoblog bener kamu ini !!!!, lha kalo kabel biru yang di gunting ya tambah cepet jalan waktu bomnya !!
Di radio HT sdh terdengar si sersan panik
"Kondisi darurat ! Bom 10 detik lagi meledak ndan, mohon instruksi "
"OK, skrg ikuti secara seksama dan tirukan persis omonganku ya..!""
"Siap komandan!"
"Laa Ilaa ha illallaah 3x"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Important Headphones
A blonde went to a hair dresser's one day, listening to a walkman. The hair dresser asked her what she wanted, and the blonde replied, "I need to get my hair trimmed, just make sure that you do not take these headphones off." The woman looked at the blonde, surprised, but did as she was told.
While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. She wasn't breathing, the hair dresser became very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard…"breath in…breath out…breath in…breath out…"!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
While she was brushing the blonde's hair, she accidentally bumped the headphones, knocking them to the ground. As she bent down to pick them up, the blonde fell over, onto the floor. She wasn't breathing, the hair dresser became very confused. She picked up the head phones and listened. This is what she heard…"breath in…breath out…breath in…breath out…"!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog?
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.....
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2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get another dog?
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.....
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Red Shirt and Brown Pants
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.
"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."
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"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Right Answer
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
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"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Babtised
A Pastor baptised Isko and dipped his head in water 3 times.
After the 3rd time he said: " You are now baptised. You are a new creation. Your old creation is gone. No more drinking of alcohol for your new name is Paul. "
Paul went back home and headed straight for the fridge he took a beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said...
" You are now a new creation. Your old name is gone. Your new name is ORANGE JUICE."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
After the 3rd time he said: " You are now baptised. You are a new creation. Your old creation is gone. No more drinking of alcohol for your new name is Paul. "
Paul went back home and headed straight for the fridge he took a beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said...
" You are now a new creation. Your old name is gone. Your new name is ORANGE JUICE."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Proof from Blonde woman
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home later that day, and smells the distinctive odor of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.
He goes over and asks her, "Are you Ok?"
She replies "Yes."
He then asked, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I wanted to prove to you, by painting the house, that not all blonde women are dumb."
"So why are you wearing your parka jacket over your leather jacket?"
She replies, "Well I was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said…"For best results put on two coats."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Her husband arrives home later that day, and smells the distinctive odor of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.
He goes over and asks her, "Are you Ok?"
She replies "Yes."
He then asked, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I wanted to prove to you, by painting the house, that not all blonde women are dumb."
"So why are you wearing your parka jacket over your leather jacket?"
She replies, "Well I was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said…"For best results put on two coats."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
BBM Humor
.1)A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No , they're dead.".
.2)Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother".
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"..
.3)A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when
he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot
her instead of her lover, he replied,
"Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a
different man every week?".
.4)How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until the room spins.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
.2)Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother".
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"..
.3)A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when
he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot
her instead of her lover, he replied,
"Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a
different man every week?".
.4)How many Irish does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty One. One to hold the bulb and twenty to drink until the room spins.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
LOOK I CAN COUNT!
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z!
LOOK I CAN COUNT!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
LOOK I CAN COUNT!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Top Ten Things Men Shouldn’t Say Out Loud When Shopping In Victoria’s Secret
Top Ten Things Men Shouldn't Say Out Loud When Shopping In Victoria's Secret
#10. Does this come in children's sizes?
#9. No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
#8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
#7. Mom will love this.
#6. Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboys logo on it?
#5. No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here.
#4. Will you model this for me?
#3. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!
#2. 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!
#1. The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
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http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
#10. Does this come in children's sizes?
#9. No Thanks. Just Sniffing.
#8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
#7. Mom will love this.
#6. Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboys logo on it?
#5. No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here.
#4. Will you model this for me?
#3. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!
#2. 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!
#1. The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Last Words
A lawyer was trying to console a weeping widow. Her husband had passed away without a will.
"Did the deceased have any last words?" asked the lawyer.
"You mean right before he died?" sobbed the window.
"Yes," replied the lawyer, "they might be helpful if it's not too painful for you to recall."
"Well," she began, "he said 'Don't try to scare me. You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with that gun.'"
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"Did the deceased have any last words?" asked the lawyer.
"You mean right before he died?" sobbed the window.
"Yes," replied the lawyer, "they might be helpful if it's not too painful for you to recall."
"Well," she began, "he said 'Don't try to scare me. You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with that gun.'"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
To get the wire brush first
An army Major visiting sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir"
"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bad. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir."
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"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir"
"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bad. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir."
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http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Train Signalman
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
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http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
My Wife is a liar
"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
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"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
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