HEBATNYA ORG INDONESIA!

1. Di PALEMBANG - KAPAL SELAM dimakan..

2. Di JAWA - BijI BETON dimakan...

3. Orang BETAWI, demennya makan roti BUAYA...

4. Orang BANDUNG, cemilannya BATA GORENG...

5. Orang SURABAYA gak mau kalah, makan RAWON SETAN...

6. Di MAKASSAR, PALU Butung dimakan...

7. Di YOGYA, MERCON di oseng2 buat di makan...

8. Di SAMARINDA, KUKU MACAN booo jadi cemilan...

9. Orang MAGELANG, suka makan bakso GRANAT...

10. Orang MENADO & PADANG suka banget makan sayur PAKU...

11. Orang BEKASI dong kagak mau ketinggalan, AKAR KELAPA cuy dijadiin cemilan...

12. Kalo lebaran kayak sekarang ini, LIDAH KUCING di toplesin...

=DHªªhª<3ªhªª=D=DHªªhª<3ªhªª=D. :p ini hasil kuliner makanan daerah... =)).

11 TIPS MUDIKERS LEBARAN [Naik MOTOR atau MOBIL]...

1. Pastikan dulu kamu punya motor/mobil, ƍåк̲̮ usah nekat curi motor/mobil apalagi ketemu yg punya, bisa masuk bui, tanpa makan ketupat.

2. Tolong dicek rodanya, spd mtr 2 roda, mobil 5 dg serep, kalau satu roda itu badut, kalau 3 itu bajaj atau bemo, kalau ƍåк̲̮ada rodanya brarti naik prahu, kalau tdk ada apa2nya berarti jalan.

3. Rem di cek, jangan pakai rem dg sandal, sepatu apalagi kaki, kasihan aspalnya, baru kemarin jadi.

4. Cek Rantai & gear, jangan2 sdh hilang diambil anak2 utk tawuran.

5. Cek lampu depan, jangan pakai lampu senter apalagi lampu ublik.

6. Spion juga dicek, jangan pakai kaca cermin, apalagi dibawa sama mejanya.

7. Pakailah helm SNI kalau spd mtr, jangan kopiah (itu mau kenduri), utk mobil pakai sabuk pengaman jangan tali rapia nanti putus.

8. Bawa brng secukupnya, jangan bawa kompor sama elpijinya, jangan bawa kulkas, keberatan nantinya. Apalgi bawa kurungan ayam.

9. Kecepatan yg cukup saja, kan bukan balapan GP atau F1, kasihan lorenzo ada pesaingnya.

10. Selama di perjalanan bersikaplah sewajarnya aja, jangan lebay pake lepas setir, berdiri di setir atau ngangkat ban depan, apalagi sambil koprol & bilang WOW gitu...

11.Pastikan punya kampung kalau mau mudik, nanti keliru masuk hutan

Antara Cinta dan Kentut

CINTA dan KENTUT tidak bisa ditahan, keduanya bisa menjadi lega bila terlaksana.
CINTA tertahan = Sengsara, KENTUT ditahan = Menderita

Kalau CINTA dan KENTUT keras bersuara, tentu perasaan kita lega.

CINTA terkesan malu-malu tapi mau, KENTUT bikin malu-maluin baunya.

CINTA tanpa rasa, bukan CINTA namanya, KENTUT tak berbau, bukan KENTUT namanya.

CINTA itu rapuh, KENTUT itu bau.

CINTA itu halus, KENTUT itu virus.

CINTA diam-diam membuat orang mabuk kepayang, KENTUT diam-diam membuat orang mabuk kepalang.

CINTA bagi kebanyakan orang muda, "Ahhh, CINTA monyet...!"
KENTUT didepan banyak orang, "Sialan, monyet lu...!"

CINTA dan KENTUT sama-sama sering dicari:
Kalau sudah CINTA: "Dimana engkau duhai kekasih?"
Kalo sudah KENTUT: "Siapa nih yang KENTUT? Hayoo, ngaku gak...?!!!"

CINTA berlebih membuat orang terbuai, KENTUT berlebih membuat orang terkulai.

CINTA menyatukan persepsi, KENTUT menyatukan emosi.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Kisah Cinta Tukang Buah dan Tukang Sayur

Surat tukang buah yang patah hati:
Wajahmu memang MANGGIS, watakmu juga MELONkolis, tapi hatiku NANAS krn cemburu, SIRSAK napasku, hatiku ANGGUR lebur, ini adalah DELIMA dalam hidupku, memang SALAKku, jarang APEL malam Minggu. Ya Tuhan, Mohon BELIMBING-Mu, kalo memang perPISANGan ini baik untukku, SEMANGKA kau bahagia dengan yang lain.

TTD: SAWOnara.

Surat Balasan dari pacarnya yang ternyata tukang sayur:

Membalas KENTANG suratmu itu, BROKOLI sudah kubilang, jangan tiap dateng rambutmu slalu KUCAI, JAGUNGmu tidak pernah dicukur. Disuruh dateng malam minggu, ehh nongolnya LABU. Ditambah kondisi keuanganmu makin hari makin PARE, Kalo mau nelpon aja mesti ke WORTEL.CABE dehhhhhh!!!

TTD: KAILAN!!!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

How to determine

During a visit to a mental hospital, a medical student asked the Doctor, "How do u determine whether or not, a patient should be admitted?"

"Well",said the Doctor,"We fill a bathtub, then we give a teaspoon,a teacup & a bucket to the patient n ask him to empty the bathtub."

The student said,"Oh, a normal person wud use the bucket cz its bigger."

"No,"said the Doctor,"A n0rmal person wud pull the drain plug.Now, which bed do u want??" ;)

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

The Periodic Table

A new element has been added to the PERIODIC TABLE:
Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl

Atomic weight:
Don't even dare to ask.

Physical properties:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with love and care,
3. very bitter when mishandled.
4. Feels uneasy when placed near a better atom

Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold, platinum diamond, branded clothes and other expensive items.

Nature:
1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.

Occurrence:
Mostly found around you

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Be a programmer

A Boy Got Caught In Class Throwing Paper Airplanes.
Teacher Gave Him Punishment To Write 5000 Times "I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes In Class." And Submit It Tomorrow.

Next Day, He Submitted The Paper Written

#Include
#Include
Void Main( )
{
Clrscr( );Int N;
For( N=1 ; N<=5000 ; N++ )
Printf("I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes In Class");
Getch( );
}

Be A Programmer... ;->
Think Differently!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Who said car names don't have a meaning?

BMW? Brings Me Women??

FIAT? Failure in Italian Automotive Technology:O

FORD? For Only Rough Drivers;;)

HYUNDAI? Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable And Inexpensive=D

VOLVO? Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object:s

PORSCHE? Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything(n)

KIA? Kills In Accidents/:)

OPEL? Old People Enjoying Life#:-s ?

TOYOTA? The One You Only Trust, Always - :| don't believe that one?

GOLF/GTI? Girls Only Love Fun / Get Them Inside\=D/

HONDA? Hung Over, Now Driving Away:|

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

KOSA-KATA MONYET.....!!!

Monyet = Kong

Raja Monyet = King Kong

Rapat para Monyet = Kong Gres

Komplotan Monyet = Kong Kali Kong

Monyet Ngobrol = Kong Kow

Kerjasama Monyet = Kong Si

Pantat Monyet = Bo Kong

Monyet Kaya = Kong Lomerat

Monyet Banyak Duit = Cu Kong

Kota Tempat Kumpul monyet" = Hong Kong

Monyet Keras Kepala = Mo Kong

Biskuit Monyet = Kong Goan

Minta dukungan Monyet = So Kong
Yang ℓåģì serius baca ini = Sun Go Kong.....(Gak boleh marah yaaa..) =D

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Dasar dokter

Dokter: "Sakit apa?"
Udin: "Saya suka pusing2, Dok"
Dokter: "Kalau suka, ya diterusin aja ..."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

WHY PARENTS SHOULD NOT TEXT...

Mom: Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?
Son: I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later.
Mom: It's ok, don't worry about it...I'll ask your Sister, Love you too.
*****
Dad: Son, I have a Facebook account now...accept my friend request.
Son: You're on Facebook now? WTF!!!
Dad: What does WTF mean?
Son: Ohhh...It means, Welcome To Facebook, Dad.
*****
Mom: Son, your grandmother passed away an hour ago. LOL
Son: How is that funny, mom?
Mom: What do you mean, Peter...surely it is not funny!
Son: Mom, LOL means: Laugh Out Loud!
Mom: Oh, No! I thought it meant: Lots Of Love...
I'll have to call everyone back and explain

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

FACT of GOOGLE: . .

50% of the people use it well as a search engine..!!
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
The other 50% of the people use it to check if their internet is connected or not !!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Truth's About Men & Women

A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A Woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need

A Woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful woman is one who can find such a man

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

O'owww...

With his request approved, the CNN News cameraman quickly used his cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go"! The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the cameraman instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can get shots of the fires on the hillsides".

"Why" asked the pilot?

"Because I'm a cameraman for CNN", he responded, "and I need to get some close up shots".

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, "So, what you're telling me, is ... you're NOT my flight instructor"?

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions.

Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?

Father: Ok ask.

Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.

Father: !!!??????!!!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Reason for withdrawing

All Samsung Officials Are Withdrawing Their Children From School,
As The First Thing
Children Are Being Taught Is ___
.
.
.
'A for Apple'

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Impact of Job Change

A taxi passenger touches the driver on shoulder to ask something

Driver screamed , lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop

The driver said:
"Don't ever do that again, you scared me"

Passenger apologized n said:
"I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"

Driver replied:
"Sorry, it's not your fault, it's my first day as a Cab driver, I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 years

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

A Nasty Cough

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Diary of a blonde

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Office MATH

(Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT

(Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION

(Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION

(Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

NOTICE

To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice About Notices.

You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you to notice.

We notice that some of our notices have been noticed.

On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed.

This is very noticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable.

This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Watch what you Wish or Preach!

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their facilities in response to an increase in their ever-growing business, whereupon the local Baptist Church, across the street, started a campaign to block the whorehouse from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening daily prayer meetings. Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the fire, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."

So, late last week, 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the brothel's owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

During the trial, the crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply and then declared,

"I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all bullshit!"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Some Statistics

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Origin of the family

A little girl asked her Dad, "How did the human race appear?"
The Dad answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God,
and mom said they developed from monkeys?"

The father answered, "Well, Dear, it's very simple. I told you...

about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Marilyn Monroe Statue

Marilyn Monroe Statue at Chicago, USA. It saves people from the rain

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

What kills you quick

In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

However, in France, the average fat intake is very high, and yet, the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In India almost no one drinks red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Algeria, the average sexual activity ratio is very high and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Brazil, everybody has sex like crazy and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Austria, adults smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day, on average.

Conclusion: Drink, eat, smoke and screw all you want. It's speaking English that kills you.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Good painting?

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Spider-Man misses

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

dividing...

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.

Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you." He knew what it was. "Oh, my goodness!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"

He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The old man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is!"

After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one..." The old man hispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' the truth! Let's see if we can see the Devil himself."

Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."

They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Be carefull what you wish for...

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating the husband's 60th birthday.

During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife said, "We've been so poor all these years, and I've never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world." The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Question and answer about pregnancy

Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A.. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause headaches?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

CLASSIC DEFINITIONS:

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: A grape with sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Warning adult humor:

A man is driving down a deserted
stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye... It reads:

SISTERS OF ST.. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you! my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in
the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER .

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

This one is specially For Ladies :)

After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room... it wasnt there.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is, the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory
is that the car will be stolen. Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, car number and description of the place where I parked etc. I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, to my husband!!! "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these.
"I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.
"Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." :$

He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I manage to convince this policeman that I have not stolen your car."!!!>:O

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Tip to reduce weight

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Wedding dress

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

husband day care center

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

"FUCK"

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "FUCK". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust "Fuck me."

Confusion "What the fuck.......?"

Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"

Despair "Fucked again..."

Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."

Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost "Where the fuck are we."

Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Directions "Fuck off."

Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."

It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...

"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

men are from mars, women are from venus

Two Women were chatting in office..
Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was
yours.. ??
.
Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
.
Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
.
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??
.
Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
.
Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.

WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND:
god saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far

HUSBAND:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in a zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you..!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!

A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word…

… "I am having such a wonderful time!
Wish you were her__!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

TODAY'S SOCIETY:

Big House but Small Families

More Degrees but Less Common Sense

Advanced Medicine but Poor Health

Expanding Suburbs but Unknown Neighbours

High Income but more Debt

Increased Security but Less peace of Mind

Increased Knowledge but Less Wisdom

Plenty Facebook Friends but less Real Life Friends

More Humans but Less Humanity

Expensive Watches but No Time

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Honey Do's

This week I am at home & playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is soooooo easy I thought I would share it with you. 1). Make the beds-- What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that - Scratch one.

2). Pick up dog poop in yard-- It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop ? - Scratch two.

3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners-- Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them. Scratch three.

This is easy, what's the fuss. Think I'll go on Web surfing for awhile.

4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet-- Uhhhh that's a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed. - Scratch four.

5). Mop kitchen floor-- The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me - Scratch five.

Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.

6). Find something fun for the kids to do-- That tinfoil in the microwave thing was kinda fun - Scratch six.

This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for Web surfing.

7). Vacuum the carpets-- That's a hard one-- "Hey kids, wanna have some more FUN?" - Scratch seven.

8). Feed kids lunch-- Hey kids, don't you have a friend's house to go too ? YESSSS - Scratch eight !!!!!!

9). Clean out hallway closet-- Hmmmm another hard one. That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed - Scratch nine.

Boy O Boy am I good! Lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa - no lunch dishes !!!

10). Do laundry-- no problem I can do that while I'm on the Web - Scratch ten.

11). Fold laundry-- (dang, can't do that while I'm on the computer) Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Check this out a cashmere Barbie sweater, cool. - Scratch eleven.

12) Put the laundry away-- Baskets in bedrooms work for me - Scratch twelve.

This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about house work???

13). Water the Christmas tree-- Ooops! good thing the carpet is absorbent - Scratch thirteen.

14). Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper-- These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth-- Scratch fourteen.

15). Pick up the kids -- Yeah right; we're talking about my kids here. Parents will normally pay to drop them back off. They'll be back - Scratch fifteen.

Wonder who's in the Chat Room. Awww, I have plenty of time.

16). Make dinner-- Easy, "Hello. Do you deliver ? uhhh double that, Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow" - Scratch sixteen.

17). Clean out the dog house-- duhh the dog sleeps in our bed, Like that needs to be done - Scratch seventeen.

WOW all done. Still time for some Web surfing & a nap-- Man this is sooooo easy. Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they're working. Wish I was a chick

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Definiton and detail of Love

Teacher: define Love & explain in detail?

Student:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship btween boys & girls that can cause death of one or both depending on the resistance associated

Types:
One sided &
two sided

Age:
Usually occurs in Teenage but now a days can be found in any age

Symptoms:
Tension
Daydreaming
Phone addiction

Diagnosis By:
Diary
Photos
Mobile

TREATMENT:
ANTI-LOVE Therapy by Father/ Mother's Footwear:)

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Great comebacks for female readers

Attention female readers! Are you sick and tired of those stupid old pick-up lines that men continue to use? Here are some great comebacks!

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you some place before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Difference between guts and balls

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

Medically speaking, there is no difference, since both ultimately result in a harsh outburst and...

Hospitalization !

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Never trust a profile picture......

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

The Truth

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Why do women live longer than men?

Question: Why do women live longer than men?
Answer: Shopping never Causes Heart Attacks, ..
But Paying the Bills does...

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Money

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Just getting smarter

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

You go first

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

How to defeat the devil

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer,then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell." The philosopher then stepped up,"OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct."Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too. The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right.""Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to heaven.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

How to get rid annoying hiccups

While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.

"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."

"It CAN'T be!" he cried. "You have GOT to be kidding!"

"Yes, I am," she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your annoying hiccups are gone."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Oh my GOD!

A drunken man staggers into a catholic church and sits down in a confession box but says nothing.

The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally the drunk replies - "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either".

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come
up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Lelucon Imlek

Ada sebuah negara di ... L.A, mempunyai seorang Pangeran bernama ... MILD, ia diculik di gunung ... HIJAU, oleh tiga orang petualang bernama .... DJIE, SAM, SOE, dan dimasukkan kedalam ... GUDANG GARAM, dan dipukuli sampai ... BENTOEL BIRU, akhirnya dibawa ke Rumah Sakit ... ARDATH, disana ia disuntik dengan ... JARUM SUPER. Setelah sembuh .... SAMPOERNA, sang pangeran yg punya motto ... PRIA PUNYA SELERA ini, mengucapkan : "KIONG HI FAT CHOI" ( buat teman2 dr Kalbar-Bangka ). "KIONG HI HUAT CAI". ( buat teman2 dari Medan, Riau, Singapore, Malaysia ). "KUNG HEI FAT CHOI". ( buat teman2 dari Kanton-Hongkong ). Dan buat teman2 gaul di Surabaya,Jakarta,Amrik "GONG XI FAT CHOI 2564 - ANG PAU NA LAI"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Wrong Excuse...

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Now that's a business man! I wonder what a Deluxe Hug is...

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

He's going to get you

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Without my cell phone

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Wisdom from a 3 year old

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

MEN'S RULES:

We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
1- breasts are for looking at, that's why we do it. Don't try changing that..
2- learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it down.
3- Saturdays= sports. It is like the full moon. Let it be.
3.1- shopping is not a sport!
3.2-crying is blackmail.
3.3-yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to every question.
4- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
5- If you think you're fat, you probably are, don't ask us.
6- If it itches, it will be scratched, we do that.
7- If we ask what is wrong, and you say nothing, we will act like nothing is wrong, we know you are lying, but its just not worth the hassle.
8- When we go somewhere, anything you wear is fine, really!!
8.1- You have enough clothes.
8.2- You have to many shoes.
8.3 I am in shape, round is a shape.
9- Don't ask us what you are thinking about, unless you are prepared to talk about sex , sports or cars.
10- don't bother to debate these simple rules.
Thank you for reading this, yes i know i will have to sleep on the couch tonight. Did you know men enjoy sleeping on the couch, its like camping!

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

The uses of Facebook

Police: Excuse me maam, "We think we've found your husband dead in a car accident and we need you to identify the body".

Woman: I'm a little busy right now, "Can you upload the photo to facebook and tag me on it?" "If it's Him, I'll click LIKE!"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Choked to death

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

New rules

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Three Cause of Death

Three guys are at the gates of heaven. The angel Gabriel tells them that he has to know how they died before he lets them in. The first guy says "I came home to my apartment on the 4th floor to find that I had been robbed! I was looking around to see if the thief left any signs, and check out the damage, and I saw someone outside the balcony hanging for their life. Thinking they were the thief, I smashed their fingers with a hammer and they fell. Miraculously, they survived. So I pushed my refrigerator off the balcony and it fell on top of them and killed them. Realizing what I had done, I had a heart attack and died. Gabriel says "Well, you obviously were in shock, and you clearly were remorseful, so I'll let you in." The second guy says "I was doing pull-ups on my 5th floor balcony railing when I slipped underneath the rail and fell. Luckily I managed to grab onto the 4th floor railing and was hanging on for dear life when this crazy guy ran up and started pounding at my fingers with a hammer. I fell to the street below, but miraculously I survived. The last thing I saw was him pushing his fridge off the balcony, and it fell on me and killed me." Gabriel says "Although you were reckless, it wasn't your intent, so go on in." The third guy says "I was robbing this guys apartment, and heard him unlocking the door, so I jumped into the fridge."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

10 Things Men Know About Women:

10 Things Men Know About Women:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
And of course
10.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

S Deadly Terms Used by A Woman

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

He was a saint...

There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.

Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.

"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.

The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,

"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

The first automobile air-conditioner

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner . On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

Henry got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner ,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

Now Henry Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show: Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls. So, now you know...

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

A new supermarket

A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.

I don't buy toilet paper there any more.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Life has now been explained to you

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

How much water did you drink?

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Light and dark

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

The Walmart Greeter...

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, I lasted less than a day... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work !

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

How to win a wrestling match

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal.

Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'Pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded.

When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."

"So, the trainer exclaimed, 'that is what finished him off?!"

"Not really. You'd be amazed what you are capable of...

when you bite your own balls."

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

That's facebook

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Smart Monkey

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.

Again, the monkey nods his head up and down.

"Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey.

"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.

"They were drinking?" asked the officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

"They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing."

"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked." The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving" motioned the monkey

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Silicone bags

In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie.

Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette."

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Engineer in hell

An engineer dies and reports to hell

Soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

..Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Three Troublemaker

There three men living together. An Afro-
American, a West Indian and a South African . They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.
They took a walk and on approaching a
restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they came up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let him leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CLOSELY. BUT I PAID YOU ALREADY!" the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let him go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Wine. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the South Africa could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. "Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so -" Before he could finish, the South African interrupted, rather emphatically,
"OGA I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!!"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Don't use cell phone in public

After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train".

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".

"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".

"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.

When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,

"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

CLASSIC POLITICAL HUMOUR:

President Obama goes to a Primary School to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.

"Walter," responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Walter?"

"I have four questions:

First, why did the USA bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?

Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually gotten worse?

Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?

Fourth, why are we lending money to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?"

Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume, Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right.. question time. Who has a question?"

Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.

"Steve," he responds.

"And what is your question, Steve?"

"Actually, I have two questions:

First, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?

Second, what the hell happened to Walter?

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

The theory is that beer contains female hormones

Yesterday, University scientists in the US released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should now take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory,

100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Gained weight.

2) Talked excessively without making sense.

3) Became overly emotional.

4) Couldn't drive.

5) Failed to think rationally.

6) Argued over nothing.

7) Had to sit down while urinating.

8) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

No further testing was considered necessary.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

seven advantages of mother's milk

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or none at all was:

"Name seven advantages of mother's milk."

The student in question had also partied the night before, and was hard put to think of 7 advantages.

He wrote:

1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always available as needed.
4. It is always at the right temperature
5. It is inexpensive.
6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.

And then, the student was stuck.

Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test was rang, he wrote:

7. It comes in 2 beautiful containers.

He was the only student to ace the exam.

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

A Chinese woman went for an interview

Interviewer :
Give me a sentence using the following words .... Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Black & Purple.

Chinese woman :
The phone Green, I Pink it up, and I say Yellow, Blue's that? White? Sorry wrong number, don't call us Black bcoz you're disturbing the Purple working here

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Good Morning...

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Nice One...

I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a goddamn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil necked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tyres!!

So I called him a horse fucker. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!

This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

When I had run out of insults I finally said "I didn't give a shit how many tickets you write, my car is parked around the corner"

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Plastic surgery....before and after piks

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

New age bullies

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/

Zombie

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/