Quadratic Truth

Piracy is Environmental Friendly

New Panties

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.  She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.  At strategic moments, she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks,
 "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"
 "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.
 "Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."
 He never heard the gunshot.

Ghost Sex

A professor at Aberdeen University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks,
'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raised their hands.
'Well, that's a good start' he says
'Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raise their hands.
That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever  talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raise their hand.
Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way up at the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been  giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and made his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
 
Ahmed replied, "Oh shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."

Cash,Hope and Jobs

When Reagan was a President, America had Johnny Cash,
Bop Hope, and Steve Jobs.
In Obama's America,
" no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs "

Whaduhhh Rencana Gagal prendz,,!!!!!!!

Agung dan Angga berencana kabur dari RUMAH SAKIT JIWA tempat mereka dirawat. Rencananya mereka akan lari ke pintu gerbang, memukul penjaganya kemudian membuka pintu gerbangnya.
Pada hari H mereka melaksanakan rencananya. Mereka lari ke pintu gerbang. Sesampai di pintu gerbang ternyata penjaga nggak ada, pintu gerbang juga terbuka lebar.
Si agung bilang ke angga : "Waduhhhh, broo siaaaaal ..
Bataaaaaaal .... !!!!
Rencana kita gagal".
Lalu jawab angga : "Kita ulangi besok lagi saja, broooo" !!! X_X X_X

Chew on this!

One day, Singapore Senior Minister went to Thailand and had lobster for dinner with the Thai King. After SM had finished, he asked the King....

SM: Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster shell?
King : We cannot do anything with it, we just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce prawn crackers.

Then SM had an orange. After he had finished, he asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the orange skin?
King : We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce orange jam.

Then SM asked for some chewing gum. After he had finished, he put it on the plate and asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the chewing gum?
King: Oh, no. We just throw it away.
SM: In Singapore, we send it to the factory to produce condoms and then send it to Thailand.

SM was about to leave but then the King asked him...
King: What do you do with the condom when you finish using it?
SM: We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
King: In Thailand, when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and then send it back to Singapore!!!

And that is the reason why chewing gum is banned in Singapore.

Jalan di atas air

Suatu hari Pak Made tamasya ke danau Galilea, disana pak Made ingin keliling danau dengan perahu. Betapa kagetnya pak Made karena ternyata sewa perahu disana sangat mahal USD 100/jam.
"Kenapa mahal sekali pak,,?! Di danau Beratan (Bedugul) saja sekitar 3 dollar sudah sampai muntah keliling danau,, masa' di sini mahal sekali,,?! kata pak Made kecewa.
"Disini kan Israel Sir, bukan di Bali,, di danau inilah Tuhan Yesus berjalan di atas air,," sahut tukang perahu
Mendengar perkataan tukang perahu itu, pak Made pergi sambil ngedumel,"Pantas saja Tuhan Yesus memilih berjalan di atas air, orang sewa perahunya mahal gitu,,"

Prayer before work

http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/

Cara mengirim barang bebas bea cukai

 
Sebuah keluarga di sebuah Provinsi Selatan China , dibingungkan saat peti jenazah dari nenek mereka tiba dari Amerika. Peti itu dikirimkan oleh salah satu sepupu mereka di sana .

Jenazah nenek mereka nampak sangat terhimpit di dalam peti dan tidak ada ruang lagi yang tersisa. Saat mereka membuka tutup peti jenazah itu, mereka menemukan sebuah surat di atasnya dan isinya adalah sebagai berikut :

Sepupuku yang terkasih,

Bersama ini aku kirimkan tubuh nenek karena dia ingin untuk dikremasikan di tanah leluhur kita di Tung Shin.

Maaf aku tidak bisa datang karena gajiku sudah tidak bersisa lagi. Kalian akan menemukan di dalam peti, di bawah tubuh nenek, 12 kaleng Yohmeitsu, 10 kantong coklat Swiss! Dan beberapa kantong Chinatown Lap Cheong. Itu semua untuk kalian, dibagi rata, ya!

Di kaki nenek, kalian akan menemukan sepasang sepatu Nike Air (ukurannya 10) untuk Ah Cu. Juga ada 2 pasang sepatu untuk Ah Mei dan Ah Lien. Semoga ukurannya cocok.

Nenek memakai 6 buah T-Shirt CK (Calvin Klein). Yang ukurannya besar untuk Ah Bak dan yang lain untuk para keponakan. Kalian pilih sendiri yang mana.

2 buah celana jeans Armani yang nenek pakai adalah untuk anak-anak. Jam tangan Rolex yang selama ini Lee Ah Bai inginkan ada di tangan kiri nenek.

Untuk bibi Pei Pei , nenek mengenakan kalung, cincin dan anting merk Tiffany yang selama ini engkau inginkan. Itu semua untukmu. Juga ada 6 buah kaos kaki Polo yang dipakai nenek dibagi juga untuk para sepupu.

Jangan lupa, beritahu aku apa lagi yang kalian butuhkan karena kakek akhir-akhir ini juga memburuk kesehatannya. .. aku dapat mengirimkan semua itu saat kakek kita kembali ke sana juga.

Salam manis,
Dari sepupumu di Amerika
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/

Siapa si bedebah itu

Sang ayah Dan ibu sangat murka ketika mengetahui anak perempuan mereka
hamil.
'Siapa si bedebah itu !' jerit sang ayah, sedang si ibu menangis.
'Suruh dia datang kesini!'
Si anak pun menelepon pria yang menghamilinya.
 
Setengah jam kemudian sebuah mobil Ferrari merah berhenti di depan rumah.
Seorang lelaki separuh baya keluar dari mobil, memberi salam lalu masuk
ke rumah. Lelaki itu berhadapan dengan ibu dan ayah perempuan yang telah
dihamilinya. Dia berkata, 'Saya lelaki yang telah menghamili anak anda. Tapi
terus terang saya katakan saya tidak dapat menikahi anak anda karena isteri
saya tak mengizinkan.
 
Namun bagaimanapun, saya akan bertanggung jawab. Sekiranya anak anda melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah supermarket, sebuah hotel dan uang tunai 5 milyar rupiah.
 
Sekiranya dia melahirkan anak lelaki saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah
Kijang, dua buah supermarket, dua buah hotel dan uang tunai 10 milyar
rupiah. Tapi sekiranya anak anda keguguran apakah yang harus saya lakukan?'
 
Sang ayah berfikir. Si ibu berhenti menangis.
Akhirnya sambil menepuk bahu lelaki itu, sang ayah berkata,
'Kalau keguguran, kamu coba lagi ya !!'
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/

sifat BAIK 'burung' laki2

Ada3 sifat BAIK 'burung' laki2:
1- DISIPLIN, tiap pagi selalu bangun
2- SOPAN, tiap lihat wanita cantik selalu berdiri
3- HORMAT, menunduk kalo lihat nenek2

Ukuran Bra

Pernah penasaran kenapa ABCDEF digunakan sebagai ukuran bra?
A - Airport (rata)
B - Barely there (nyaris ada)
C - Can do (lumayan)
D - Damn good (bener-benar indah)
E - Enormous (sangat besar)
F - Fake (palsu/hasil operasi)

I've got good and bad

This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.

Patient: That's terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?

Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.

A problem with teeth

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.

The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.

The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... and I couldn't stop talking!

Getting in an accident

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him.

After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi.

Just look at our cars.

There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt.

This must be a sign from God!"

Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely.

This must surely be a sign from God!"

The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this!

Here's another miracle!

My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break.

Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."

The priest nods in agreement.

The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi.

The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.

The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"

The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."

Giving very odd excuses

The General went out to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down,
found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go.
Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm,
bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G.I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

"Let me guess," the General interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I., "there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."

LEARN YOUR LESSON

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher.
The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,"
he smiled with delight.
"Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times."

New Yorkers arrived

One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang.

walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God,

there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".

God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell."

St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden he comes running back yelling "God, God, they're gone, they're gone!"

"Who, the New Yorkers?".

"No, the Pearly Gates."

Tips utk para Bapak :

8 manfaat memegang SUSU wanita
BUKAN PORNO : untuk kesehatan,
dibaca dulu ya
1. Megang SUSU bisa menjaga keseimbangan sistem kardiovaskular. Saat Anda memegaang SUSU pasangan dalam waktu yang lama, detak jatung bisa meningkat hingga 110 per menit. Ini bisa menjadi latihan yang bagus bagi kesehatan jantung.

2. Megang SUSU pun bisa membuat berat badan Anda tetap stabil atau bahkan berkurang. Hal ini dikarenakan, memegang SUSU selama 5 menit dapat membakar 12 kalori.

3. Megang SUSU juga dapat mencegah produksi hormon stres, glukokortikoid. Hormon itulah yang menyebabkan tekanan darah tinggi, lemah otot dan insomnia.

4. Ingin wajah lebih kencang? Kalu begitu, jangan ragu untuk lebih sering memegang SUSU. Dengan memegang SUSU, lebih dari 30 otot wajah bergerak sehingga berguna untuk meningkatkan aliran darah ke kulit wajah dan menghaluskan kulit.

5. Selama ini memegang SUSU dianggap sebagai hal yg tidak sopan. Tetapi pada kenyataanya,memegang SUSU dpt bikin kita awet muda, merupakan obat alami yang dapat mengatasi awet muda dapat merangsang sistem kekebalan tubuh, hasilnya adalah produksi antibodi yang mampu melindungi Anda dari virus. Proses ini disebut cross-imunoterapi.

6. Setelah memegang SUSU wanita, biasanya nafas menjadi lebih cepat. Rata-rata setelah memegangnya, orang akan menghirup dan membuang nafas 60 kali dalam satu menit. Sedangkan dalam keadaan normal, hanya 20 kali tiap satu menit. Menghirup dan membuang nafas lebih sering akan mencegah berbagai gangguan di paru-paru.

7. Memegang SUSU lebih dari 3 menit akan merangsang tubuh menghasilkan rantai kimiawi yang akan menghancurkan hormon penyebab stress.

8. Yg dipegang SUSU nya bs menjadi lbh kenceng/kenyel shg bentuknya lbh bagus dan kulit di kelopak mata tdk berkerut krn hal ini sering terjadi merem melek...
"Sudahkah anda memegang "SUSU" hari ini???

GBU

Seorang Pendeta, punya warung kecil2an jualan minyak goreng curah untuk tambahan biaya hidup sehari-hari. (y)
Di depan warungnya ada tulisan besar GBU. ({})

Seorang anak muda bilang sama pa pendeta :
"W媪ː̗̀:Oː̖́н hebat ya,
karena jadi pendeta,
Bapak selalu memberkati orang yang belanja dengan tulisan GBU (God Bless You)" (y)
Pa pendetanya jawab :
"Oh bukan, GBU di sini artinya Gak Boleh Utang !" :|

Superhero SideJob

PRESIDEN SBY MENGUNJUNGI RS JIWA GROGOL

PRESIDEN SBY MENGUNJUNGI RS JIWA GROGOL :
Dgn bangga & penuh senyuman, Presiden SBY menyalami para Pasien di Rumah Sakit Jiwa tsb.

SBY : "Perkenalkan, saya SBY Presiden RI" sambil menjabat erat & senyum dikulum ramah..

SALAH SATU PASIEN RS JIWA MENJAWAB : "Biasa aja kaleeeeee...
Gue juga waktu pertama masuk kesini gue ngakunya Barrack Obama.....!!!"​=DĦªЌ :D ĦªЌ =))ĦªЌ =)) ĦªЌ :D ĦªЌ

Bailout Package

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough. Everybody is in debt. Everybody lives on credit.

 On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village. He stops at the local hotel and lays a $100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

 The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the $100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

 The butcher takes the $100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

 The pig farmer takes the $100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

 The guy at the Farmers? Co-op takes the $100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

 The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him $services$ on credit.

 The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the $100 note.

 The hotel proprietor then places the $100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

 At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

 No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works!