Doa yang Benar

Baygon...

Ayam dan Kemoceng

Mendekati lebaran harga2 naik. Di sebuah pasar ada dialog antara ibu2 dengan pedagang ayam ;
Ibu2 nawar ayam ke orang madura: "Masa ayam kurus begini 20 rb ???".
Pedagang jawab : "bo ambo buu buu....., kemoceng aja gak ada dagingnya sudah 18 rb !

Tenggelam di sini

Ada seorang pemuda yg setiap hari mabuk minuman keras, John namanya.

Pada suatu pagi, dalam perjalanan pulang dan masih dalam keadaan mabuk dan sempoyongan, dia melihat orang yang sedang mengantri di tepi sungai untuk upacara Pembaptisan.

Tanpa disadarinya John pun ikut dalam antrian.
Tiba gilirannya, Pendeta pun menekan kepala John ke dalam sungai selama 10 detik, mengangkatnya dan bertanya..

Pendeta : "Apakah engkau sudah menemukan Jesus, anakku?"

John : "Beloomm"

Pendeta pun kembali menenggelamkan kepala John selama 20 detik, mengangkatnya dan bertanya..

Pendeta : "Apakah engkau sudah menemukan Jesus, anakku?"

John : "Beeloommm"

Dengan kesal Pendeta pun kembali menenggelamkan kepala John,
kali ini lebih lama lagi 30 detik, mengangkatnya dan kembali bertanya..

Pendeta: "Apakah engkau sudah menemukan Jesus, anakku?"

Dgn gelagapan karena hampir kehabisan napas,

Si John membentak :

"Elo yakin dia tenggelam disini BRO ???!

Pil Sabar

aturan pakai 1 hari 3x sebelum makan, belum sabar? Tambah dosis 1 hari 6x. ASTAGA BELUM SABAR JUGA? Makan sama bungkusnya

"Iron"man

Dog for Sale

Dog For Sale: free to good home.

Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to
feed him anymore, as
there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters
left in the neighborhood
for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as 'Holy Shit'

Pesan Penting menjelang Ramadhan

•> Pesan Penting

Hati-hati Menjelang Ramadhan dan Lebaran Idul Fitri,. Banyak sekali Biscuit atau Khong Guan/Astor PALSU,.

Kejadian ini pernah di alami saya,. Pada waktu itu saya maen ke rmh tetangga,dan di suguhi Biscuit Khong Guan,. Dan ternyata biscuit nya PALSU. Karena Pas kaleng di Buka isinya peyek + keripik.

WASPADALAH...!!!! :D:D

Selamat Ramadhan

:D =)) =D ɐpuɐ ʎɹɹǝqʞɔɐlq uɐʞılɐqɯǝɯ ıɐdɯɐs ɐɔɐqɯǝɯ ɐpuɐ ıuı ʇɐɐs ıƃɐlɐdɐ ` ıuı ɐɯɐlǝs uɐɟɐlıɥʞǝʞ ɐlɐƃǝs sɐʇɐ ɟɐɐɯ uoɥoɯǝɯ ıɯɐʞ ɐqıʇ uɐɥpɐɯɐɹ ɯnlǝqǝs,,=D

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically. 
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read ... 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?' 
The teacher paused then asked the class: 
'And what do you think the man said?' 
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, f*ck me!! A talking pig!' 

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

ATM...that MEN would love to go to!!!!

Anger Management

Sometimes when you are angry with someone, it helps to sit down and think about the problem.

My New Car Horn

Nego Kenaikan Gaji

Seorang karyawan menghadap ke bosnya. Ia berkata dengan serius, "Bapak sebaiknya menaikkan gaji saya, sekarang juga."
"Apa alasannya?" tanya si bos dengan sinis tanpa menoleh sedikit pun.
"Perlu Bapak ketahui, sekarang ini sudah ada lima perusahaan besar dan bonafid yang sedang mengejar-ngejar saya."
Kali ini si atasan menoleh. Dengan penasaran ia bertanya, "Oh, ya? Perusahaan apa saja itu?" tanyanya dengan nada cemas.

"Citibank, PAM, PLN, TELKOM, dan terakhir ADIRA." =D
█▬█ⓐ̈=D█▬█ⓐ̈=D█▬█ⓐ̈█▬█ⓐ̈=D. (Tagihan Pada Nunggak)

Ciuman

Konon kata para ahli, orang yg paling hebat dalam berciuman adalah orang yang berasal dari jawa barat, karena beragam jenis ciuman telah mengakar dan bersumber dari wilayah jawa barat seperti berikut :

Ciawi = Ciuman manusiawi
Cibulan = Ciuman butuh lanjutan
Cipanas = Ciuman paling ganas
Cisadane = Ciuman sayang dari ane
Citarik = Ciuman tarik menarik
Cihampelas = Ciuman shampe perut mulas
Cibubur = Ciuman buru-buru
Cisalak = Ciuman saya galak
Ciamis = Ciuman anak manis
Cibitung = Ciuman bikin untung
Cikupa = Ciuman kurang pas
Cicadas = Ciuman kena dada atas
Ciparay = Ciuman sampai pakaian teruray
Cimahi = Cium mah di dahi
Cibinong = Ciuman bibir monyong
Cibiru = Ciuman bini baru
Cikaso = Ciuman kagak sopan
Cicendo = Ciuman cewek indo
Cikajang = Ciuman perjaka bujang
Cibeunying = Ciuman berbunyi nyaring
Cirebon = ciuman remang2 dikebon.
Cilacap = Maaf, Anda sudah memasuki wilayah propinsi jawa tengah

My Pillow is hairsylist

Kurang spasi yang fatal

Seorang sekretaris mendapatkan sebuah
PENA sebagai hadiah ulang tahun dari Boss-nya, SH.
Sebagai ungkapan rasa terima kasih, Dia mengirim rasa 'Thank You' via SMS.
Istri si Boss marah besar setelah membaca SMS di HP suaminya ...
Dengan murka ditamparlah suaminya , lalu ditunjukkan text SMS dari sang sekretaris:
"Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. Thanks" (makanya, sekretaris ajarin dong nulis yg bener, kurang spasi fatal tuh!)

The Bar Story

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death.
However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself,and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground.

Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

I Know This Laywer

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 years!"

Understanding Woman Encyclopedia

Differences between single and married men.

1.A single man will call mom at least twice a week. A married man will listen to his wife on the phone talking to someone else every day except for two days out of the week.

2.A single man spends his entire life trying to find happiness. A married man spends his whole life trying to make his wife happy.

3.A single man will party harder all the time and get different results. A married man will work harder and get the same results.

4.Single men live in a pad or a crib. Married men live in a house or a home.

5.A single man measures success by how many valuable things he owns. A married man measures success by how many valuable things his wife has.

6.A single man works for himself, the pay is great and the hours are flexible. A married man works for his wife, there is no pay and hours are not negotiable.

7.A single man plays with his dog, on average, 30 days out of year. A married man lives with his dog, on average, 30 days out of a year.

8.A single man hardly messes things up. A married man hardly gets things right.

9.A single man will spend his whole life trying to achieve his goals. A married man will spend his entire life trying to achieve his wife's goals.

10.A single man follows his 'to-do' list. A married man follows his 'honey-do' list.

Difference Between The Babies Of Single & Married Men