SCHOOL :
A place where Parents pay and children play.
LIFE INSURANCE :
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
NURSE :
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
MARRIAGE :
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..
TEAR :
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine water power.
CONFERENCE :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
FATHER :
A banker provided by nature.
CRIMINAL :
A person no different from the rest ....except that he/she got caught.
BOSS :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early !!!!
POLITICIAN :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence there after.
DOCTOR :
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Human Ages
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw that it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again, saw that it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back? Then, I could live until I was around eighty... would that be okay? "Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So... that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves....
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey-like tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years....
we sit on the front porch and 'bark' at everyone.
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" And God saw that it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?" And God, again, saw that it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back? Then, I could live until I was around eighty... would that be okay? "Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So... that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves....
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey-like tricks to entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years....
we sit on the front porch and 'bark' at everyone.
Friday, January 10, 2014
10 SIMPLE RULES TO DATING MY DAUGHTER:
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
HEBATNYA ORG INDONESIA!
1. Di PALEMBANG - KAPAL SELAM dimakan..
2. Di JAWA - BijI BETON dimakan...
3. Orang BETAWI, demennya makan roti BUAYA...
4. Orang BANDUNG, cemilannya BATA GORENG...
5. Orang SURABAYA gak mau kalah, makan RAWON SETAN...
6. Di MAKASSAR, PALU Butung dimakan...
7. Di YOGYA, MERCON di oseng2 buat di makan...
8. Di SAMARINDA, KUKU MACAN booo jadi cemilan...
9. Orang MAGELANG, suka makan bakso GRANAT...
10. Orang MENADO & PADANG suka banget makan sayur PAKU...
11. Orang BEKASI dong kagak mau ketinggalan, AKAR KELAPA cuy dijadiin cemilan...
12. Kalo lebaran kayak sekarang ini, LIDAH KUCING di toplesin...
=DHªªhª<3ªhªª=D=DHªªhª<3ªhªª=D. :p ini hasil kuliner makanan daerah... =)).
2. Di JAWA - BijI BETON dimakan...
3. Orang BETAWI, demennya makan roti BUAYA...
4. Orang BANDUNG, cemilannya BATA GORENG...
5. Orang SURABAYA gak mau kalah, makan RAWON SETAN...
6. Di MAKASSAR, PALU Butung dimakan...
7. Di YOGYA, MERCON di oseng2 buat di makan...
8. Di SAMARINDA, KUKU MACAN booo jadi cemilan...
9. Orang MAGELANG, suka makan bakso GRANAT...
10. Orang MENADO & PADANG suka banget makan sayur PAKU...
11. Orang BEKASI dong kagak mau ketinggalan, AKAR KELAPA cuy dijadiin cemilan...
12. Kalo lebaran kayak sekarang ini, LIDAH KUCING di toplesin...
=DHªªhª<3ªhªª=D=DHªªhª<3ªhªª=D. :p ini hasil kuliner makanan daerah... =)).
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
11 TIPS MUDIKERS LEBARAN [Naik MOTOR atau MOBIL]...
1. Pastikan dulu kamu punya motor/mobil, ƍåк̲̮ usah nekat curi motor/mobil apalagi ketemu yg punya, bisa masuk bui, tanpa makan ketupat.
2. Tolong dicek rodanya, spd mtr 2 roda, mobil 5 dg serep, kalau satu roda itu badut, kalau 3 itu bajaj atau bemo, kalau ƍåк̲̮ada rodanya brarti naik prahu, kalau tdk ada apa2nya berarti jalan.
3. Rem di cek, jangan pakai rem dg sandal, sepatu apalagi kaki, kasihan aspalnya, baru kemarin jadi.
4. Cek Rantai & gear, jangan2 sdh hilang diambil anak2 utk tawuran.
5. Cek lampu depan, jangan pakai lampu senter apalagi lampu ublik.
6. Spion juga dicek, jangan pakai kaca cermin, apalagi dibawa sama mejanya.
7. Pakailah helm SNI kalau spd mtr, jangan kopiah (itu mau kenduri), utk mobil pakai sabuk pengaman jangan tali rapia nanti putus.
8. Bawa brng secukupnya, jangan bawa kompor sama elpijinya, jangan bawa kulkas, keberatan nantinya. Apalgi bawa kurungan ayam.
9. Kecepatan yg cukup saja, kan bukan balapan GP atau F1, kasihan lorenzo ada pesaingnya.
10. Selama di perjalanan bersikaplah sewajarnya aja, jangan lebay pake lepas setir, berdiri di setir atau ngangkat ban depan, apalagi sambil koprol & bilang WOW gitu...
11.Pastikan punya kampung kalau mau mudik, nanti keliru masuk hutan
2. Tolong dicek rodanya, spd mtr 2 roda, mobil 5 dg serep, kalau satu roda itu badut, kalau 3 itu bajaj atau bemo, kalau ƍåк̲̮ada rodanya brarti naik prahu, kalau tdk ada apa2nya berarti jalan.
3. Rem di cek, jangan pakai rem dg sandal, sepatu apalagi kaki, kasihan aspalnya, baru kemarin jadi.
4. Cek Rantai & gear, jangan2 sdh hilang diambil anak2 utk tawuran.
5. Cek lampu depan, jangan pakai lampu senter apalagi lampu ublik.
6. Spion juga dicek, jangan pakai kaca cermin, apalagi dibawa sama mejanya.
7. Pakailah helm SNI kalau spd mtr, jangan kopiah (itu mau kenduri), utk mobil pakai sabuk pengaman jangan tali rapia nanti putus.
8. Bawa brng secukupnya, jangan bawa kompor sama elpijinya, jangan bawa kulkas, keberatan nantinya. Apalgi bawa kurungan ayam.
9. Kecepatan yg cukup saja, kan bukan balapan GP atau F1, kasihan lorenzo ada pesaingnya.
10. Selama di perjalanan bersikaplah sewajarnya aja, jangan lebay pake lepas setir, berdiri di setir atau ngangkat ban depan, apalagi sambil koprol & bilang WOW gitu...
11.Pastikan punya kampung kalau mau mudik, nanti keliru masuk hutan
Monday, May 6, 2013
Antara Cinta dan Kentut
CINTA dan KENTUT tidak bisa ditahan, keduanya bisa menjadi lega bila terlaksana.
CINTA tertahan = Sengsara, KENTUT ditahan = Menderita
Kalau CINTA dan KENTUT keras bersuara, tentu perasaan kita lega.
CINTA terkesan malu-malu tapi mau, KENTUT bikin malu-maluin baunya.
CINTA tanpa rasa, bukan CINTA namanya, KENTUT tak berbau, bukan KENTUT namanya.
CINTA itu rapuh, KENTUT itu bau.
CINTA itu halus, KENTUT itu virus.
CINTA diam-diam membuat orang mabuk kepayang, KENTUT diam-diam membuat orang mabuk kepalang.
CINTA bagi kebanyakan orang muda, "Ahhh, CINTA monyet...!"
KENTUT didepan banyak orang, "Sialan, monyet lu...!"
CINTA dan KENTUT sama-sama sering dicari:
Kalau sudah CINTA: "Dimana engkau duhai kekasih?"
Kalo sudah KENTUT: "Siapa nih yang KENTUT? Hayoo, ngaku gak...?!!!"
CINTA berlebih membuat orang terbuai, KENTUT berlebih membuat orang terkulai.
CINTA menyatukan persepsi, KENTUT menyatukan emosi.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
CINTA tertahan = Sengsara, KENTUT ditahan = Menderita
Kalau CINTA dan KENTUT keras bersuara, tentu perasaan kita lega.
CINTA terkesan malu-malu tapi mau, KENTUT bikin malu-maluin baunya.
CINTA tanpa rasa, bukan CINTA namanya, KENTUT tak berbau, bukan KENTUT namanya.
CINTA itu rapuh, KENTUT itu bau.
CINTA itu halus, KENTUT itu virus.
CINTA diam-diam membuat orang mabuk kepayang, KENTUT diam-diam membuat orang mabuk kepalang.
CINTA bagi kebanyakan orang muda, "Ahhh, CINTA monyet...!"
KENTUT didepan banyak orang, "Sialan, monyet lu...!"
CINTA dan KENTUT sama-sama sering dicari:
Kalau sudah CINTA: "Dimana engkau duhai kekasih?"
Kalo sudah KENTUT: "Siapa nih yang KENTUT? Hayoo, ngaku gak...?!!!"
CINTA berlebih membuat orang terbuai, KENTUT berlebih membuat orang terkulai.
CINTA menyatukan persepsi, KENTUT menyatukan emosi.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Kisah Cinta Tukang Buah dan Tukang Sayur
Surat tukang buah yang patah hati:
Wajahmu memang MANGGIS, watakmu juga MELONkolis, tapi hatiku NANAS krn cemburu, SIRSAK napasku, hatiku ANGGUR lebur, ini adalah DELIMA dalam hidupku, memang SALAKku, jarang APEL malam Minggu. Ya Tuhan, Mohon BELIMBING-Mu, kalo memang perPISANGan ini baik untukku, SEMANGKA kau bahagia dengan yang lain.
TTD: SAWOnara.
Surat Balasan dari pacarnya yang ternyata tukang sayur:
Membalas KENTANG suratmu itu, BROKOLI sudah kubilang, jangan tiap dateng rambutmu slalu KUCAI, JAGUNGmu tidak pernah dicukur. Disuruh dateng malam minggu, ehh nongolnya LABU. Ditambah kondisi keuanganmu makin hari makin PARE, Kalo mau nelpon aja mesti ke WORTEL.CABE dehhhhhh!!!
TTD: KAILAN!!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Wajahmu memang MANGGIS, watakmu juga MELONkolis, tapi hatiku NANAS krn cemburu, SIRSAK napasku, hatiku ANGGUR lebur, ini adalah DELIMA dalam hidupku, memang SALAKku, jarang APEL malam Minggu. Ya Tuhan, Mohon BELIMBING-Mu, kalo memang perPISANGan ini baik untukku, SEMANGKA kau bahagia dengan yang lain.
TTD: SAWOnara.
Surat Balasan dari pacarnya yang ternyata tukang sayur:
Membalas KENTANG suratmu itu, BROKOLI sudah kubilang, jangan tiap dateng rambutmu slalu KUCAI, JAGUNGmu tidak pernah dicukur. Disuruh dateng malam minggu, ehh nongolnya LABU. Ditambah kondisi keuanganmu makin hari makin PARE, Kalo mau nelpon aja mesti ke WORTEL.CABE dehhhhhh!!!
TTD: KAILAN!!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
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