An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
The room erupted in applause
DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wedding dress
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black?"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
"FUCK"
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "FUCK". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...
Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."
Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"
Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."
Aggression "FUCK YOU!"
Disgust "Fuck me."
Confusion "What the fuck.......?"
Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"
Despair "Fucked again..."
Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."
Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"
Lost "Where the fuck are we."
Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"
Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"
Denial "I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."
Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"
Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"
Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"
Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."
Directions "Fuck off."
Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"
It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."
It can be political- "Fuck Dan Quayle!"
It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...
"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima
"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic
"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon
"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon
"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn
"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle
"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher
"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein
"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso
"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras
"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo
"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney
"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary
"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc
"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah
"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
men are from mars, women are from venus
Two Women were chatting in office..
Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was
yours.. ??
.
Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
.
Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
.
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??
.
Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
.
Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was
yours.. ??
.
Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
.
Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
.
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??
.
Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
.
Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Poems written by WIFE and HUSBAND.
WIFE:
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
HUSBAND:
god saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
HUSBAND:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in a zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you..!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.
HUSBAND:
god saw me hungry, he created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in the dark, he created light.
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
WIFE:
Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far
HUSBAND:
Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like u should be kept in a zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
Not in cage but outside, laughing at you..!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Friday, February 22, 2013
One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word…
… "I am having such a wonderful time!
Wish you were her__!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
add 'e' at the end of a word…
… "I am having such a wonderful time!
Wish you were her__!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
TODAY'S SOCIETY:
Big House but Small Families
More Degrees but Less Common Sense
Advanced Medicine but Poor Health
Expanding Suburbs but Unknown Neighbours
High Income but more Debt
Increased Security but Less peace of Mind
Increased Knowledge but Less Wisdom
Plenty Facebook Friends but less Real Life Friends
More Humans but Less Humanity
Expensive Watches but No Time
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
More Degrees but Less Common Sense
Advanced Medicine but Poor Health
Expanding Suburbs but Unknown Neighbours
High Income but more Debt
Increased Security but Less peace of Mind
Increased Knowledge but Less Wisdom
Plenty Facebook Friends but less Real Life Friends
More Humans but Less Humanity
Expensive Watches but No Time
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Honey Do's
This week I am at home & playing house husband. My wife left a list of things I need to do. This is soooooo easy I thought I would share it with you. 1). Make the beds-- What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that - Scratch one.
2). Pick up dog poop in yard-- It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop ? - Scratch two.
3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners-- Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them. Scratch three.
This is easy, what's the fuss. Think I'll go on Web surfing for awhile.
4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet-- Uhhhh that's a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed. - Scratch four.
5). Mop kitchen floor-- The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me - Scratch five.
Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.
6). Find something fun for the kids to do-- That tinfoil in the microwave thing was kinda fun - Scratch six.
This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for Web surfing.
7). Vacuum the carpets-- That's a hard one-- "Hey kids, wanna have some more FUN?" - Scratch seven.
8). Feed kids lunch-- Hey kids, don't you have a friend's house to go too ? YESSSS - Scratch eight !!!!!!
9). Clean out hallway closet-- Hmmmm another hard one. That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed - Scratch nine.
Boy O Boy am I good! Lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa - no lunch dishes !!!
10). Do laundry-- no problem I can do that while I'm on the Web - Scratch ten.
11). Fold laundry-- (dang, can't do that while I'm on the computer) Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Check this out a cashmere Barbie sweater, cool. - Scratch eleven.
12) Put the laundry away-- Baskets in bedrooms work for me - Scratch twelve.
This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about house work???
13). Water the Christmas tree-- Ooops! good thing the carpet is absorbent - Scratch thirteen.
14). Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper-- These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth-- Scratch fourteen.
15). Pick up the kids -- Yeah right; we're talking about my kids here. Parents will normally pay to drop them back off. They'll be back - Scratch fifteen.
Wonder who's in the Chat Room. Awww, I have plenty of time.
16). Make dinner-- Easy, "Hello. Do you deliver ? uhhh double that, Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow" - Scratch sixteen.
17). Clean out the dog house-- duhh the dog sleeps in our bed, Like that needs to be done - Scratch seventeen.
WOW all done. Still time for some Web surfing & a nap-- Man this is sooooo easy. Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they're working. Wish I was a chick
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Definiton and detail of Love
Teacher: define Love & explain in detail?
Student:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship btween boys & girls that can cause death of one or both depending on the resistance associated
Types:
One sided &
two sided
Age:
Usually occurs in Teenage but now a days can be found in any age
Symptoms:
Tension
Daydreaming
Phone addiction
Diagnosis By:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
TREATMENT:
ANTI-LOVE Therapy by Father/ Mother's Footwear:)
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Student:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship btween boys & girls that can cause death of one or both depending on the resistance associated
Types:
One sided &
two sided
Age:
Usually occurs in Teenage but now a days can be found in any age
Symptoms:
Tension
Daydreaming
Phone addiction
Diagnosis By:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
TREATMENT:
ANTI-LOVE Therapy by Father/ Mother's Footwear:)
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Great comebacks for female readers
Attention female readers! Are you sick and tired of those stupid old pick-up lines that men continue to use? Here are some great comebacks!
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you some place before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
Man: "Haven't I seen you some place before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".
Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Difference between guts and balls
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
Medically speaking, there is no difference, since both ultimately result in a harsh outburst and...
Hospitalization !
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
Medically speaking, there is no difference, since both ultimately result in a harsh outburst and...
Hospitalization !
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The Truth
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Why do women live longer than men?
Question: Why do women live longer than men?
Answer: Shopping never Causes Heart Attacks, ..
But Paying the Bills does...
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Answer: Shopping never Causes Heart Attacks, ..
But Paying the Bills does...
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
How to defeat the devil
Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer,then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell." The philosopher then stepped up,"OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' Socrates' teachings." With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared. The mathematician then asked,"Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct."Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too. The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?" The Devil inspected the seat and said,"The third hole from the right.""Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my asshole." And the idiot went to heaven.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Monday, February 18, 2013
How to get rid annoying hiccups
While waiting in line at the bank, a co-worker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.
"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."
"It CAN'T be!" he cried. "You have GOT to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your annoying hiccups are gone."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.
"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."
"It CAN'T be!" he cried. "You have GOT to be kidding!"
"Yes, I am," she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your annoying hiccups are gone."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Oh my GOD!
A drunken man staggers into a catholic church and sits down in a confession box but says nothing.
The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies - "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either".
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies - "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either".
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the Nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come
up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come
up with the answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "it might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Friday, February 8, 2013
Lelucon Imlek
Ada sebuah negara di ... L.A, mempunyai seorang Pangeran bernama ... MILD, ia diculik di gunung ... HIJAU, oleh tiga orang petualang bernama .... DJIE, SAM, SOE, dan dimasukkan kedalam ... GUDANG GARAM, dan dipukuli sampai ... BENTOEL BIRU, akhirnya dibawa ke Rumah Sakit ... ARDATH, disana ia disuntik dengan ... JARUM SUPER. Setelah sembuh .... SAMPOERNA, sang pangeran yg punya motto ... PRIA PUNYA SELERA ini, mengucapkan : "KIONG HI FAT CHOI" ( buat teman2 dr Kalbar-Bangka ). "KIONG HI HUAT CAI". ( buat teman2 dari Medan, Riau, Singapore, Malaysia ). "KUNG HEI FAT CHOI". ( buat teman2 dari Kanton-Hongkong ). Dan buat teman2 gaul di Surabaya,Jakarta,Amrik "GONG XI FAT CHOI 2564 - ANG PAU NA LAI"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
MEN'S RULES:
We always hear the rules from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
1- breasts are for looking at, that's why we do it. Don't try changing that..
2- learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it down.
3- Saturdays= sports. It is like the full moon. Let it be.
3.1- shopping is not a sport!
3.2-crying is blackmail.
3.3-yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to every question.
4- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
5- If you think you're fat, you probably are, don't ask us.
6- If it itches, it will be scratched, we do that.
7- If we ask what is wrong, and you say nothing, we will act like nothing is wrong, we know you are lying, but its just not worth the hassle.
8- When we go somewhere, anything you wear is fine, really!!
8.1- You have enough clothes.
8.2- You have to many shoes.
8.3 I am in shape, round is a shape.
9- Don't ask us what you are thinking about, unless you are prepared to talk about sex , sports or cars.
10- don't bother to debate these simple rules.
Thank you for reading this, yes i know i will have to sleep on the couch tonight. Did you know men enjoy sleeping on the couch, its like camping!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
1- breasts are for looking at, that's why we do it. Don't try changing that..
2- learn to work the toilet seat. You are a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining when you leave it down.
3- Saturdays= sports. It is like the full moon. Let it be.
3.1- shopping is not a sport!
3.2-crying is blackmail.
3.3-yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to every question.
4- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
5- If you think you're fat, you probably are, don't ask us.
6- If it itches, it will be scratched, we do that.
7- If we ask what is wrong, and you say nothing, we will act like nothing is wrong, we know you are lying, but its just not worth the hassle.
8- When we go somewhere, anything you wear is fine, really!!
8.1- You have enough clothes.
8.2- You have to many shoes.
8.3 I am in shape, round is a shape.
9- Don't ask us what you are thinking about, unless you are prepared to talk about sex , sports or cars.
10- don't bother to debate these simple rules.
Thank you for reading this, yes i know i will have to sleep on the couch tonight. Did you know men enjoy sleeping on the couch, its like camping!
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
The uses of Facebook
Police: Excuse me maam, "We think we've found your husband dead in a car accident and we need you to identify the body".
Woman: I'm a little busy right now, "Can you upload the photo to facebook and tag me on it?" "If it's Him, I'll click LIKE!"
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Woman: I'm a little busy right now, "Can you upload the photo to facebook and tag me on it?" "If it's Him, I'll click LIKE!"
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Choked to death
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."
"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"
"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."
"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"
"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
New rules
Dear Staff,
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.
Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag we assume that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.
Lunch Breaks:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average size. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Restroom Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.
Surgery:
As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed will constitute a breach of employment.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Three Cause of Death
Three guys are at the gates of heaven. The angel Gabriel tells them that he has to know how they died before he lets them in. The first guy says "I came home to my apartment on the 4th floor to find that I had been robbed! I was looking around to see if the thief left any signs, and check out the damage, and I saw someone outside the balcony hanging for their life. Thinking they were the thief, I smashed their fingers with a hammer and they fell. Miraculously, they survived. So I pushed my refrigerator off the balcony and it fell on top of them and killed them. Realizing what I had done, I had a heart attack and died. Gabriel says "Well, you obviously were in shock, and you clearly were remorseful, so I'll let you in." The second guy says "I was doing pull-ups on my 5th floor balcony railing when I slipped underneath the rail and fell. Luckily I managed to grab onto the 4th floor railing and was hanging on for dear life when this crazy guy ran up and started pounding at my fingers with a hammer. I fell to the street below, but miraculously I survived. The last thing I saw was him pushing his fridge off the balcony, and it fell on me and killed me." Gabriel says "Although you were reckless, it wasn't your intent, so go on in." The third guy says "I was robbing this guys apartment, and heard him unlocking the door, so I jumped into the fridge."
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http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
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10 Things Men Know About Women:
10 Things Men Know About Women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
And of course
10.
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http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
And of course
10.
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He was a saint...
There were two evil brothers. They were rich, and used their money to keep their ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church, and looked to be perfect Christians.
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Then, their pastor retired, and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fund-raising campaign was started to build a new assembly.
All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building.
"I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word, and deposited the check.
The next day, at the funeral, the pastor did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family." After going on in this vein for a small time, he concluded with,
"But, compared to his brother, he was a saint."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The first automobile air-conditioner
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner . On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.
The four brothers walked into Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
Henry got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner ,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now Henry Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show: Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls. So, now you know...
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The four brothers walked into Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.
They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.
Henry got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner ,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.
Now Henry Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.
And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show: Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls. So, now you know...
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
A new supermarket
A new supermarket opened near my house. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Life has now been explained to you
On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you
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So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks and make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"
And God agreed.
On the third day God created the cow. "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty."
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "What? Only twenty years? Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you
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How much water did you drink?
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"
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So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?!" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!" The Monkey looks down and says "FUUUCK, DUDE....... how much water did you drink?"
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Sunday, February 3, 2013
The Walmart Greeter...
I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work !
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How to win a wrestling match
A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal.
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'Pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded.
When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."
"So, the trainer exclaimed, 'that is what finished him off?!"
"Not really. You'd be amazed what you are capable of...
when you bite your own balls."
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http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'Pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded.
When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!"
The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."
"So, the trainer exclaimed, 'that is what finished him off?!"
"Not really. You'd be amazed what you are capable of...
when you bite your own balls."
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Smart Monkey
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey nods his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing."
"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked." The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey
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The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey nods his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing."
"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked." The monkey nods his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey
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Silicone bags
In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie.
Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette."
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"
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Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie.
Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette."
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."
The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Engineer in hell
An engineer dies and reports to hell
Soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
..Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
..Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Three Troublemaker
There three men living together. An Afro-
American, a West Indian and a South African . They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.
They took a walk and on approaching a
restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they came up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let him leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CLOSELY. BUT I PAID YOU ALREADY!" the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let him go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Wine. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the South Africa could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. "Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so -" Before he could finish, the South African interrupted, rather emphatically,
"OGA I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
American, a West Indian and a South African . They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.
They took a walk and on approaching a
restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they came up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let him leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CLOSELY. BUT I PAID YOU ALREADY!" the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let him go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Wine. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the South Africa could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. "Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so -" Before he could finish, the South African interrupted, rather emphatically,
"OGA I'M SORRY, BUT THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!!"
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Don't use cell phone in public
After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes. As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: "Hi sweetheart. It's Eric. I'm on the train".
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting". "No, honey, not with that blonde from the accounts office. It was with the boss".
"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life".
"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart"
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly.
When the young woman sitting next to him had enough, she leaned over and said into the phone,
"Eric, hang up the phone and come back to bed."
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
CLASSIC POLITICAL HUMOUR:
President Obama goes to a Primary School to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.
"Walter," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Walter?"
"I have four questions:
First, why did the USA bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?
Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually gotten worse?
Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?
Fourth, why are we lending money to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right.. question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"Actually, I have two questions:
First, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
Second, what the hell happened to Walter?
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.
"Walter," responds the little boy.
"And what is your question, Walter?"
"I have four questions:
First, why did the USA bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?
Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually gotten worse?
Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?
Fourth, why are we lending money to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Obama says, "OK, where were we? Oh, that's right.. question time. Who has a question?"
Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.
"Steve," he responds.
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"Actually, I have two questions:
First, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
Second, what the hell happened to Walter?
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
The theory is that beer contains female hormones
Yesterday, University scientists in the US released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should now take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory,
100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Gained weight.
2) Talked excessively without making sense.
3) Became overly emotional.
4) Couldn't drive.
5) Failed to think rationally.
6) Argued over nothing.
7) Had to sit down while urinating.
8) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
No further testing was considered necessary.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
100 men were fed 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Gained weight.
2) Talked excessively without making sense.
3) Became overly emotional.
4) Couldn't drive.
5) Failed to think rationally.
6) Argued over nothing.
7) Had to sit down while urinating.
8) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
No further testing was considered necessary.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
seven advantages of mother's milk
Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid-term. The last question, worth 70 points or none at all was:
"Name seven advantages of mother's milk."
The student in question had also partied the night before, and was hard put to think of 7 advantages.
He wrote:
1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always available as needed.
4. It is always at the right temperature
5. It is inexpensive.
6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.
And then, the student was stuck.
Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test was rang, he wrote:
7. It comes in 2 beautiful containers.
He was the only student to ace the exam.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
"Name seven advantages of mother's milk."
The student in question had also partied the night before, and was hard put to think of 7 advantages.
He wrote:
1. It is a perfect formula for the child.
2. It provides immunity against several diseases.
3. It is always available as needed.
4. It is always at the right temperature
5. It is inexpensive.
6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.
And then, the student was stuck.
Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test was rang, he wrote:
7. It comes in 2 beautiful containers.
He was the only student to ace the exam.
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Saturday, February 2, 2013
A Chinese woman went for an interview
Interviewer :
Give me a sentence using the following words .... Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Black & Purple.
Chinese woman :
The phone Green, I Pink it up, and I say Yellow, Blue's that? White? Sorry wrong number, don't call us Black bcoz you're disturbing the Purple working here
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
Give me a sentence using the following words .... Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Black & Purple.
Chinese woman :
The phone Green, I Pink it up, and I say Yellow, Blue's that? White? Sorry wrong number, don't call us Black bcoz you're disturbing the Purple working here
http://koningsberg.blogspot.com/
http://sugiatno-ceritalucu.blogspot.com/
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