꧁Pandemic laughter꧂

꧁• Never in my wildest dreams have I imagined myself entering a bank, wearing a mask, and asking for money.

꧁• Never thought my hands would one day consume more alcohol than my liver...ever!

꧁• Quarantine seems like a Netflix series: just when you think it's over, they release the next season.

꧁• I'm starting to like this mask thing. I went to the supermarket yesterday and two people that I owe money to didn't recognize me. 

꧁• Those complaining 2020 didn't have enough holidays, what now?!

꧁• I need to socially distance myself from my fridge; I tested positive for excess weight!

꧁• Could someone tell me if the second quarantine would be with the same family or we get to exchange?

꧁• I'm not planning on adding 2020 to my age. I didn't even use it!

꧁• We want to publicly apologize to the year 2019 for all the bad things we said about it. 

꧁• To all the ladies who were praying for their husbands to spend more time with them, how are you doing? 

꧁• My washing machine only accepts pajamas these days. I put in a pair of jeans and a message popped up: "Stay Home!" 😷

A Cleaver Old Man

A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds. I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said "Sir... There's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man. "But let me tell you about my weekend." 😅