MANTAN DI SMA BERTEMU LAGI DI FACEBOOK, TRUS CHAT DI WA.

HENDRO :

"Roh! Kakak mau ke rumah kamu. Boleh gak?"

SHAROH :

"Boleh lah Kak. Silahkan!"

HENDRO : "Di mane rumah kamu sekarang?"

SHAROH : Di Desa Cinangka Kak!"

HENDRO ;

"Siiyaap!!!  besok kakak kerumahmu ya....

SHAROH ;

Otee kakak...

HENDRO :

"Roh !!! Kakak sudah sampai desa Cinangka, rumah kamu sebelah mana ?"

SHAROH :

"Yang ada gapura kak, kakak terus aja sekitar 25 meter ada rumah tingkat 3 , warna hijau, mobilnya banyak..."

HENDRO:

"Siap !!! Kakak sudah di depan rumah. Hebat sekarang kamu Roh".

SHAROH :

"Bukan kak !!! Dari situ kakak belok kanan 10 meter, ada lapangan badminton. Nah disampingnya kak"

HENDRO :

Siap .... Kakak sudah sampe nih..." itu rumah Sharoh ?"

SHAROH :

"Itu rumahnya tukang urut. Dari situ kakak lempeng, pas ada jembatan dari situ terlihat kios kecil, ISI ULANG PULSA"

HENDRO :

"Oke... kakak sudah sampe. Owh, jadi rumah kamu yang ada jualan pulsa itu ??"

SHAROH :

"Itu namanya counter la Kak. Dari counter ambil kanan trus ketemu kuburan. Nah depan kuburan ada bangunan kak"

HENDRO (mulai kesal ) :

"Jadi rumah kamu samping kuburan Sharooooohhhh ??"

SHAROH :

"Ya bukan lah kak !!! Itu rumahnya kuncen, Kakak jangan masuk kesana tapi belok lagi ke kiri, lewatin pinggiran sawah, ntar kelihatan kandang sapi..."

HENDRO (kumat darah tingginya) :

"Aaarggh..!!! Itu kandang kamu bukan ?"

SHAROH :

"Aku bukan sapi kak !!! Dari sana kakak ke arah kebon..."

HENDRO (mulai nafsu) :

"Itu rumah kamu ?!"

SHAROH :.

"memangnya aku monyet, Kakak nihh ada ada aja. Terobos aja kebon itu Kak, ikutin jalan kecil sampe ketemu masjid kecil, nah rumah Sharoh persis di sebelahnya."

HENDRO (marah ga karuan) :

"Sekali lagi kamu ngomong itu bukan rumah kamu, Kakak jitak pala kamu pas ketemu nanti ya !!! Ini dengkul kakak sudah mau lepas Sharooohhhhh..."

SHAROH:

"Hehehe... sabar Kak...jangan emosian jadi orang.... Gimana sudah kelihatan rumah ku ??"

HENDRO (tersenyum senang) :

"Kakak sudah didepan rumah kamu nih !!! Ya Tuhaaann !!! Capek nian ini badan . Pokoknya kamu tanggung jawab mijitin kakak ya ?? Bikin kopi sekalian, he he..."

SHAROH :

"Ya Udah masuk aja kak, ada emak di dalam"

HENDRO :

" kamu nya Dimana ??

SHAROH :

"Sharoh masih di ARAB Kak.. Jadi TKW ..."

HENDRO nya sekarat dan langsung stroke...

MODYAAAARRRRR🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

HANYA ADA DI INDONESIA ... :D

1. Pedagang yang TAK BISA DITAWAR adalah tukang

roti 🍞. Promosinya roti tawar tapi engga bisa ditawar...? 😓

2. Pedagang yang PALING NEKAT adalah tukang

gas. Udah tau jalanan menurun masih aja bilang

"GAAAS! GAAAS!" bukannya "REM...!"😓

3. Pedagang yang KURANG KERJAAN adalah tukang

nasi goreng. Nasi udah mateng masih aja digoreng...😧

4. Pedagang yang TAK KENAL KATA MENYESAL

adalah tukang bubur. Nasi udah jadi bubur masih dijual juga...😧

5. Pedagang yang PALING ANEH adalah pedagang ikan.

Ikan mati dibilang segar...😓

6. Pedagang PALING BINGUNG adalah tukang

cetak foto. Ditanyain 3X4 berapa, dia jawab 3.000.

Bingung kan....😧

7. Pedagang yang SUKA LUPA adalah pedagang

sayur. Bilangnya cuma sayur.... Sayur.... Sayur!

Gak taunya ada cabe, tempe, tahu dll juga dia jual....😀

8. Pedagang PALING ULET pedagang lesehan, tiap

malam gulung tikar besoknya buka lagi..luar

biasa....👍

9.Pedagang yg PALING SAYANG ISTRI

adalah pedagang bakso. walaupun bakso nya habis terjual

tapi masih menyisakan 2 pentol bakso buat

istrinya..

Tersenyumlah biar awet muda karena terbukti mengurangi Stres.😀😀

How to explain about pregnancy to a child of the 21st century

How to explain about pregnancy to a child of the 21st century, when bees, flowers, seeds, stork are out of fashion?

Today, the explanation is modern....

The son asks his father:

- Dad, how was I born?

- Well, my son, one day we knew we would talk about it, so I'll explain what you need to know:

One day, Mom and Dad connected to facebook and became friends.  Dad sent a tweet inviting Mom to go to a cybercafé.  We found that we had many links and likes in common and we understood each other very well.

When we were not on the laptop, we would talk on Whats App and Skype. 

And we were giving more likes, until one day we decided to share our files. 

Dad introduced his USB stick to Mom's USB port.  When the files were downloaded, we realized that we had forgotten the security software and that we had no firewall or snapshot filter.

It was too late to cancel the download and it was impossible to delete the files, generating the message "INSTALLATION SUCCESSFUL".

With this the monthly notifications of your mother stopped arriving and nine months later you appeared as new user contact, requesting login and password.

Well, how is this for a change ..........

😉😉😉😉😉

A Politician Dies And Goes To Heaven. But What Awaits Him Is A Total Stunner

While walking down the street one day, a presidential candidate is tragically hit by a car and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high-ranking official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the politician.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher-ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really? I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the politician.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse, and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of the people. They then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest Champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy and who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the politician realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. “Now it’s time to visit heaven ...”

So, 24 hours pass with the politician joining a group of contented souls, moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The politician reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before — I mean heaven has been delightful — but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell ...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the politician. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank Champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says,

“Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.”

Benarkah Konsumsi Daging Kambing Membuat Tensi Darah Naik...?

Judul Penelitian: 
Benarkah Konsumsi Daging Kambing Membuat Tensi Darah Naik...?
___________________________________
Uji coba dilakukan pada 2 napi dengan posisi sel berhadapan.

Pada hari ke-1 Napi A diberi menu Gule Kambing dan Napi B diberi menu Tempe Bacem.

Di hari ke-2 Napi A diberi menu Tongseng Kambing dan Napi B diberi Tempe Goreng.

Pada hari ke-3 Napi A diberi menu Sate Kambing 50 tusuk, dan Napi B diberi Tempe Balado 2 potong.

Braaak..krompyang....!!!!!, Napi B membanting piring nasinya hingga pecah berantakan sambil marah-marah..... Tempe lagi .... tempe lagi ..... !

Akhirnya kepala riset mengambil kesimpulan bahwa ternyata tempe lebih cepat memicu kenaikan tekanan darah / tensi darah dibandingkan dg daging kambing

Steve Jobs and Bill Gates

Bill Gates: “So, how’s heaven, Steve?”
Steve Jobs: “Great ! It just doesn’t have any wall or fence.”
Bill Gates: “So…?”
Steve Jobs: “So, we don’t need any Windows and Gates. I’m sorry, Bill, I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Bill Gates: “It’s ok Steve, but I heard a rumor.”
Steve Jobs: “Oh, what rumor?”
Bill Gates: “That nobody is allowed to touch Apple there, and there are no Jobs in heaven.”
Steve Jobs : “Oh no, definitely there are, but only no-pay Jobs. Therefore definitely no Bill in heaven as everything will be provided free….”

CARA MENDETEKSI ADANYA JIN YANG MENEMPEL DI BADAN KAMU

Saat ini sedang ramai diperbincangkan di sosial media soal warung makanan yang menggunakan penglaris Jin. Dan diberikan tips bagaimana caranya membedakan warung makan yang menggunakan penglaris Jin dan yang tidak.

Tapi sayangnya kita sendiri lupa untuk berpikir apakah sesungguhnya tanpa sadar kita juga ditempeli oleh Jin tertentu?

Dan sampai saat ini belum ada artikel yang membahas soal itu.

Nah mungkin sebaiknya kita juga perlu mengetahui bagaimana caranya agar kita tahu apakah kita ketempelan Jin atau tidak, dan Jin jenis apa yang telah menempel pada tubuh kita selama ini?

Berikut tipsnya:

1. Jika kamu berada di dalam rumah, berdirilah menghadap ke arah kiblat, dongak ke atas beberapa saat.

2. Pejam mata rapat2, baca doa sebisa kamu, dan niat dalam hati utk mengetahui jin apa yg ada di badan kamu. Tarik nafas perlahan-lahan, lalu lepaskan perlahan-lahan.sambil terus mengucapkan doa. 

3. Tundukkan kepala dan dengan perlahan buka kedua2 mata.

4. Lihatlah pada bagian pinggang ke bawah dibagian kiri atau kanan pinggang bawah.

5. Seandainya ada jin pada tubuh kamu, kamu bisa mengetahuinya sewaktu kamu membuka mata dengan cara mengetahui merk jin tersebut....apakah Lee, Levi's, Lois, Edwin, Lee Cooper, GA Blue, Wrangler dan sebagainya.

6. Teruskan membaca Istighfar sebanyak2nya. Jangan marah..
krn jika kamu marah2... itu tandanya kamu sudah bener-bener di tempelin Jin.